No One Knows I'm Gone

 

The Sixth Sense (1999)

Rating: PG-13

Runtime: 107 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 417 million (approximately)

Characters: Malcolm Crowe, Cole Sear, Lynn Sear, Anna Crowe, Vincent Gray/Grey, Kyra Collins, Tommy Tammisimo

Favorite Quote: “I see dead people.”

Favorite Scene: I see dead people scene

Favorite Character: Cole Sear

Other need-to-see movies nineties movies directed by M. Night Shyamalan: none

I remember when this movie came out and if you had seen it, you couldn’t talk about it with anyone that had not seen it yet so as to not spoil the ending, which was tough because it has one of the great twists of all time. The performances were also great, not giving away any clues and keeping you in suspense. Unfortunately, the performances were not awarded any Oscars. Haley Joel Osment (Cole Sear) should have won over Michael Caine. Toni Collette (Lynn Sear) should have won over Angelina Jolie. Even Donnie Wahlberg (Vincent Gray/Grey)) was amazing, and he was only on screen for a total of three minutes!! Malcolm Crowe (played by Bruce Willis) was probably my favorite character in 1999, but now it is Cole. He is the movie. Personally, I think Bruce Willis gives a better performance in M. Night Shyamalan’s next movie Unbreakable.

“Keep moving, cheese dick” is my favorite line from the movie. Just kidding; it’s “I see dead people.” Everyone was saying it then, and you probably know someone that says it now. Speaking of I see dead people, the scene where Cole says it to Malcolm is my favorite scene from the movie. Cole is basically revealing the twist of the movie, yet nobody sees it coming. The thing I love most about this scene is that Malcolm thinks he is the one in control of this conversation. I can’t really explain it, but his eyes give you the feel of him slow playing Cole into revealing more about himself . . . when in fact it is Cole slow playing Malcolm, who doesn’t realize that Cole is talking about him being **spoiler alert** one of the dead people he sees. It is this scene that should have sealed the deal for Haley Joel Osment winning all the awards.

After watching the movie a second time, you start to pick up on the clues that give away the ending. Cold temperature or the color red are used when ghosts are present. You also pick up on the fact that Tommy Tammisimo really does suck big time.

Next movie to review: Fight Club

Soldier's Things

 

The Iron Giant (1999)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 87 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 33 million (approximately)

Characters: The Iron Giant, Hogarth Hughes, Annie Hughes, Dean McCoppin, Kent Mansley, General Rogard

Favorite Quote: “Here, pretend you’re a gangster.”

Favorite Scene: When Iron Giant flies like Superman and sacrifices himself to save the town

Favorite Character: The Iron Giant

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Brad Bird: none

The third and final animated movie on my 90s movie list. I am not sure they could be any more different. Toy Story was G and for the kids, South Park was R and for the adults, and this movie was right in the middle. I can’t be positive that the town in the movie (Rockwell) was a shout out to the real-life town (Roswell) . . . but the Iron Giant was an alien/robot and there was a UFO in New Mexico. The truth is out there!! There are not many characters to chose from for favorite, but even if there were, I would choose the Iron Giant anyway. Hogarth’s mom Annie is cool, Dean McCoppin is weird, and Kent Mansley is a jerk; although he does say my favorite quote. I am not sure why it makes me laugh so much, or why I didn’t pick “I am not a gun”, or “Souls don’t die.”

There are several heart-breaking moments in the film that would make just about anyone cry. When Iron Giant does his best Superman impression (my favorite scene), and when his parts are finding their way back to each other at the end are about as perfect as you will ever see. I am not sure why this movie didn’t do better at the box office. Maybe people were not ready for a non-Disney/Pixar movie to succeed. Side note: Chicken Run was a top 20 movie the next year and Shrek was the second most successful movie in 2001. Too soon Iron Giant, too soon!!

At some point in the movie Hogarth calls Iron Giant a “Bad robot!!” I always thought this is where J.J. Abrams got the name of his production company from. He claims it is not and that the name “came to him” during a meeting. Not sure if I believe that…but it always makes me think of LOST (a J.J. Abrams creation and my favorite tv show of all time). I have yet to find a show that has made my feel the same way since its run from 2004 to 2010. If only I could go back.

Next movie to review: The Sixth Sense

Whistlin' Past the Graveyard

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Rating: R

Runtime: 81 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 200 million (approximately)

Characters: Heather Donahue, Josh Leonard, Mike Williams

Favorite Quote: “I’m scared to close my eyes. I’m scared to open them.”

Favorite Scene: The end scene where Heather sees Mike standing in the corner

Favorite Character: Heather

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez: none

I remember reading about this movie and believing the events were real . . . up until about three days before it hit the theaters. To be fair, this was before the internet was everywhere, in my world anyway. I had to travel a distance to find a theater that was playing it, and even though I saw it during the daytime, I was so scared driving home. Who would have thought piles of rocks, stick people, and a bag of teeth could be so terrifying?? The movie itself is basic: there are only three main characters, and it’s only about 80 minutes long. But so much happens (or doesn’t) in that small amount of time that you are on the edge of your seat (or under it). Heather is the “leader” of the group, so she is my favorite. Josh isn’t around for much of the movie and Mike is kind of a jerk, so it was easy to choose her.

The movie is designed to be improvised, so the dialogue feels so real . . . because it is. My favorite line from the movie is delivered by Heather, even though the snot running from her nose is a little distracting. “I’m scared to close my eyes. I’m scared to open them”, is something I could see myself saying in that situation. The scene that was the most scariest was also my favorite and it still gives me chills just thinking about it. Mike standing in the corner and Heather dropping the camera . . . I couldn’t get out of the theater fast enough!!

This review has taken me a while to write. I watched this movie for my blog in September of 2019. I then moved into a house in October in Vermont, after living in an apartment for 14 years in New Hampshire. My mom died two weeks later, and then I got married two months after that. I just didn’t have the drive to sit down in front of a computer and type. But I can now move on to the next movie. I’m finally finished.

Next movie to review: The Iron Giant

All Stripped Down

American Pie (1999)

Rating: R

Runtime: 96 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 146 million (approximately)

Characters: Jim, Kevin, Oz, Finch, Stifler, Vicki, Jessica, Heather, Michelle, Nadia, Sherman, Jim’s dad, Jim’s mom, Stifler’s mom

Favorite Quote: “This one time, at band camp …”

Favorite Scene: Jim fucks an apple pie

Favorite Character: Jim

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Paul and Chris Weitz: none

I remember working at the theater when this movie came out and I let so many teenagers buy tickets without carding them. You’re welcome!! This film was filled with things that happened to me when I was in high school: I watched scrambled porn, drank jizz beer, and said “Suck me, beautiful” to a handful of girls. Ok, I only did one of those things. We all knew the characters from the film because they were like everyone we grew up with and either loved or hated them. There were popular guys (Kevin, Oz, Stifler), and nerdy guys (Jim, Finch), and popular girls (Vicki, Nadia), and nerdy girls (Jessica, Heather, Michelle), and uncool dads and hot moms. My favorite is Jim because, well, I was Jim in high school: I thought Ariel was hot, and I tried to get with the popular girl instead of the nerdy girl who was in front of me the whole time.

I am pretty sure every guy that watched this movie in 1999 would have said his favorite scene was when Nadia was in Jim’s room masturbating to porn. Me, I will go with Jim fucking the apple pie. Why?? Because he fucked an apple pie!! I am also pretty sure that everyone’s favorite quote is the same as my favorite quote. You couldn’t go anywhere in 1999 without someone saying “This one time, at band camp …” You also couldn’t go anywhere and not run into anyone that didn’t have the movie soundtrack. It had every cool band at the time: Blink-182, Dishwalla, Sugar Ray, Third Eye Blind, and Tonic. The movie had cool music too:  Barenaked Ladies, Everclear, Harvey Danger, Hole, and 3 Doors Down. Ah, the nineties!!

The band (see what I did there) would get back together for American Pie 2 (2001), American Wedding (2003), and American Reunion (2012). But none of them were able to capture the magic of the original. Side note: if Salty Chewbacca were to ever do a movies from the 2000s (?) blog, it will definitely be all about movie franchises. To the next step!!

Next movie to review: The Blair Witch Project

Hell Broke Luce

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Rating: R

Runtime: 81 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 74 million (approximately)

Characters: Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick, Sheila Broflovski, Gerald Broflovski, Ike Broflovski, Liane Cartman, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh, Shelly Marsh, Carol McCormick, Stuart McCormick, Big Gay Al, Chef, Christophe, Gregory, Mr. Garrison, Mr. Hat, Mr. Mackey, Wendy Testaburger, Terrance, Phillip, Satan, Saddam Hussein, Winona Ryder

Favorite Quote: “I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

Favorite Scene: Winona Ryder’s ping-pong ball trick

Favorite Character: Eric Cartman

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Trey Parker: Cannibal! The Musical

It all starts so innocently when the gang (Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman) go to see Asses of Fire starring Terrance and Phillip. The language, violence, and sex add up quickly over the 81 minutes of this movie … but what did you expect?? Most everyone is here from the show: Chef, Mr. Garrison, Mr. Hat, Mr. Mackey, Big Gay Al, Satan, Saddam Hussein, and even Winona Ryder!! Cartman is my favorite. He’s the worst of the bunch, but he’s the funniest. Speaking of funny: there are many quotes throughout the movie that it was hard to choose just one as my favorite. But like any quote from South Park, you end up laughing at something that is sometimes a terrible … in this case Mr. Garrison’s response of “I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.” Yikes.

The heart of this movie is its musical numbers. I could have chosen any of them to be my favorite scene. Terrance and Phillip’s “Uncle Fucka”, Mr. Mackey’s “It’s Easy, M’Kay”, the South Park moms’ “Blame Canada”, Cartman’s “Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch”, the boys’ “What Would Brian Boitano Do?”, Satan’s “Up There”, Gregory’s “La Resistance”, Big Gay Al’s “I’m Super” … what do I pick?? None. Did you think I wouldn’t choose Winona Ryder’s ping-pong ball trick as my favorite scene?? You don’t know me at all.

I had a hard time deciding if there were any other movies from the nineties directed by Trey Parker that were worth watching. My criteria for this part of the review (and for my previous reviews) was if the movie’s IMDb or Rotten Tomatoes score was similar to the movie I was reviewing. Orgazmo and BASEketball have pretty good followings but their scores are low. Cannibal! The Musical has a good IMDb score but a bad Rotten Tomatoes score. But I feel that it is so ridiculous of a movie (bad or good) that you should watch it at least once.

Next movie to review: American Pie

Please Wake Me Up

The Phantom Menace (1999)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 136 minutes

Box office (in today’s dollars): 612 million (approximately)

Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Queen Padme Amidala, Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul, Senator Palpatine, Captain Panaka, Chancellor Valorum, Shmi Skywalker, Yoda, Mace Windu, R2-D2, C-3PO, Jabba the Hutt, Nute Gunray, Boss Nass, Sebulba, Watto, Jar Jar Binks

Favorite Quote: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

Favorite Scene: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan vs. Darth Maul

Favorite Character: Yoda

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by George Lucas: none

A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away . . . more on that later. I was 23 when this movie came out. An age where I was young enough to spend 36 hours standing/sitting/sleeping first in line waiting to buy tickets. About a half an hour into the movie I fell asleep for (I would guess) 15 minutes. I didn’t miss much. For the all the hype surrounding the first Star Wars movie in 16 years(!), all I can say is it was bad. The characters were bad. The dialogue was bad. The African and Asian stereotypes were bad. Even what was intended to be the most exciting part of the movie (the pod race) dragged on way too long (ten minutes). But it was good to see some of the old gang; Yoda (my favorite character) and R2-D2 made appearances, and I am sure that at the time I was a huge fan of new character Mace Windu.

Almost every line spoken in the movie is bad; with Anakin and Jar Jar Binks getting a large portion of screen time it adds up quickly. But Yoda is there to save the day with his “fear” speech (my favorite quote) directed at Anakin. As for favorite scene, I had to suffer through the pod race and too-many-I-lost-count moments where Jar Jar was just being Jar Jar. The Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan battle with Darth Maul near the end of the movie is amazing.

About a month after the movie came out, Weird Al released a song called “The Saga Begins”. It was a parody of the hit song from 1971 “American Pie” and contained lyrics that in less than six minutes told you everything you needed to know about the disaster that was Phantom Menace. I have a friend Andy who bought the cd and demanded that we listen to it at least once a day while driving around the streets of Hanover. At the time it was annoying, but now I guess I just miss my friend.

Next movie to review: South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Telephone Call From Istanbul

The Matrix (1999)

Rating: R

Runtime: 136 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 244 million (approximately)

Characters: Thomas Anderson/Neo, Morpheus, Trinity, Agent Smith, Apoc, Cypher, Dozer, Mouse, Switch, Tank, The Oracle

Favorite Quote: “How about I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call.”

Favorite Scene: The shootout when Neo and Trinity go to rescue Morpheus

Favorite Character: Trinity

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by the Wachowskis: none

When this movie came out, I remember everybody talking about how it was going to change movies forever. And it did. For a few years, anyway. And not so much for the better. Every movie tried to “look” like The Matrix and it almost became laughable. But The Matrix was cool. Neo (the hero) was cool. Morpheus was cool. But Trinity was the coolest. She is my favorite character (I always pick the girl it seems). The rest of the crew had cool names like Mouse and Tank. I never had a cool nickname. Visually, the movie is amazing, so I will tell you my favorite scene later and favorite quote now: “How about I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call.” There is probably some awesome futuristic dialogue somewhere in the movie, but I always go with funny.

Ok, it’s later . . . favorite scene. I mentioned the “look” the movie had earlier, and there were a bunch of scenes I could have picked: Neo and Morpheus battle, Neo and Trinity in the helicopter, Neo stops the bullets . . . but the best scene is the shootout in the lobby when Neo and Trinity go to rescue Morpheus. So many bullets . . . so much Trinity awesomeness!!

The sequels (Reloaded and Revolutions) were not as good as the original, but they did start (or at least help popularize) the new trend in Hollywood for the next decade: movie franchises!! From Star Wars to Harry Potter to Lord of the Rings to Spider-Man to Pirates of the Caribbean, they just kept coming. And now twenty years after The Matrix was released, the box office has been dominated by the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I can’t imagine if The Matrix had failed that we would have ever been treated to a string of movies starring Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Ant-Man, Doctor Strange, Spider-Man (third generation), Black Panther, and Captain Marvel. I mean, who would have defeated Thanos?? Tom Cruise?? Will Smith?? James Bond??

Next movie to review: The Phantom Menace