Fish & Bird

Rushmore (1998)

Rating: R

Runtime: 93 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 25 million (approximately)

Characters: Max Fischer, Herman Blume, Rosemary Cross, Dirk Calloway, Margaret Yang, Magnus Buchan, Dr. Nelson Guggenheim, Bert Fischer, Dr. Peter Flynn, Donny Blume, Ronny Blume, Mrs. Calloway, Mr. Little Jeans

Favorite Quote: “I like your nurse’s uniform, guy.” “These are O.R. scrubs.” “Oh, are they?”

Favorite Scene: When Blume hands Rosemary Max’s letter and then runs away

Favorite Character: Herman Blume

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Wes Anderson: Bottle Rocket

“She’s my Rushmore, Max.” A great quote and a great conversation starter. But more on that later. Rushmore is probably a movie that you either love or hate. There are characters that you probably love: Rosemary, the teacher that enjoys aquariums and carrots, and Margaret Yang, the girl who is right in front of you the whole time. There are characters that you probably don’t love: Max Fischer, the boy who enjoys whiskey sours and hand-jobs from Mrs. Calloway, and Herman Blume, the millionaire who was in the shit during Vietnam. Herman Blume was my favorite because it is Bill Murray, and Herman does many small things throughout the movie that if you are paying attention are hilarious.

The first time I heard my favorite quote from the movie I am sure I laughed out loud, and 20 years later it still makes me laugh. It is during the dinner scene with Max, Herman, Rosemary, and Dr. Peter Flynn. Max obviously hates Peter, so the sarcastic “I like your nurse’s uniform, guy.” “These are O.R. scrubs.” “Oh, are they?” is so uncomfortably awesome that it has to be everyone’s favorite. That was almost my favorite scene too, but like I said earlier, Herman has some simple actions that add up to him being my favorite and when he hands Rosemary Max’s letter and runs away it gets me every time.

Max is really into writing/acting in plays, from Serpico to Heaven and Hell. Me, it’s basketball. Which brings me back to the “She’s my Rushmore, Max” quote. What is my Rushmore? And by that, I mean which four basketball players would I choose as the best I have ever seen? The first three are easy: Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Michael Jordan. The fourth took some thought. I ruled out anyone I never saw play, like Wilt Chamberlain or Bill Russell, anyone I saw play but when they were old and not in their prime, like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Julius Erving, and anyone that I saw play in their prime but after I stopped caring about pro basketball, like LeBron James or Kobe Bryant. That left two choices: Shaquille O’Neal and Hakeem Olajuwon. In 1995 (when I was still watching and still caring), Hakeem beat Shaq in the NBA Finals, so I give Hakeem the edge . . . and there is my Rushmore.

Next movie to review: The Matrix

Frank's Theme

There’s Something About Mary (1998)

Rating: R

Runtime: 119 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 256 million (approximately)

Characters: Mary Jensen, Ted Stroehmann, Pat Healy, Warren Jensen, Tucker/Norm, Dom Woganowski, Magda, Sully, Brenda, Joanie, Lisa, Charlie, Sheila Jensen, Puffy, Brett Favre, The Hitchhiker, Jonathan Richman

Favreite Quote: “Seven chipmunks twirling on a branch, eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea.”

Favreite Scene: Ted and the hitchhiker in the car

Favreite Character: The Hitchhiker

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by the Farrelly Brothers: Dumb and Dumber

A modern love story . . . with Jonathan Richman from the Modern Lovers!! Everyone fell for Mary in this movie, and everyone fell for Cameron Diaz in real life. I mean, how could you not: Mary liked beer, played golf, and enjoyed her vibrator. But she wasn’t my favorite character. Everyone was always fuckin’ with Ted and some of his best friends didn’t know his name, Woogie went to Borington High, but my favorite is the hitchhiker. He has the best lines: “It’s like you’re dreaming about gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly brie time, baby”, “Step into my office . . . cause you’re fuckin’ fired”, and my favorite, “Seven chipmunks twirling on a branch, eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea.” Some other really good lines that everyone was saying for a while were “Have you seen my baseball?” and “Franks and beans!”.

There were many scenes that everyone was talking about after seeing the movie: that time Ted got the beans above the frank (ouch), the jizz-hair gel scene (for obvious reasons), and the Puffy and Ted fight scene (which I think went on a bit too long). My favorite scene is Ted and the hitchhiker in Ted’s car. Mostly because it had all of my favorite lines from the movie, and because it was so uncomfortable, and you know that Harland Williams (the hitchhiker) was making it all up as he went.

I am sure there will be people out there who will argue that I should have picked Dumb and Dumber as my Farrelly brothers must-see movie from the nineties, but this movie has some valuable lessons that we should be aware of in our everyday life: they don’t make movies like Harold and Maude anymore, the girl you like is probably a Niners fan, and you should always jerk off before a big date . . . just make sure you clean up after.

Next movie to review: Rushmore

How's It Gonna End

The Truman Show (1998)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 103 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 182 million (approximately)

Characters: Truman Burbank, Christof, Meryl Burbank, Marlon, Lauren/Sylvia, Truman’s mom, Truman’s dad, Simeon

Favorite Quote: “Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.”

Favorite Scene: Truman stopping traffic

Favorite Character: Truman Burbank

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Peter Weir: none

The Super Bowl (I usually watch it for the commercials). M*A*S*H (I never watched it growing up but it has now become my nightly routine). Roots (I have never watched it). These are/were the real-life things on television that are/were the most watched yearly; but The Truman Show (the tv show in the movie) was watched by millions daily . . . for thirty years!! Truman (the star of the show) is afraid of dogs, flying, and water. Meryl (Truman’s wife) loves her fashion magazines. Marlon (Truman’s best friend) drinks beer and stocks vending machines). Christof is the creator of the show, Simeon is Christof’s second in command, and Lauren/Sylvia is the girl Truman first falls in love with only to be removed from the show after trying to tell Truman the truth about his life. Truman is my favorite character, but Lauren/Sylvia is a close second.

There are a couple of quotes that I really liked from the movie that fell just short of my favorite: “We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.” is smart, and “Cue the sun.” is funny. But my favorite is “Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.” because every show needs a good catch phrase and it seems so genuine coming from Truman. I have always loved the scene were Truman begins to realize that something isn’t quite right about the world around him and stops traffic while he is crossing the street. The music score is so powerful. The F-you to Christof delivered by Truman at the end is also amazing.

I have always wondered what became of Truman after he left “the show”. It’s obvious that he would find Sylvia, but then what?? Would he have kids?? Where would he work?? Would he ever hit golf balls off a bridge with Marlon again?? Hopefully he would live a quiet life (which would be hard to do because everyone knows who you are) while watching his favorite television show (I picture him being a Seinfeld fan) . . . because the show is about, well, nothing.

Next movie to review: There’s Something About Mary