Bad Liver And A Broken Heart

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Rating: R

Runtime: 126 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 205 million (approximately)

Characters: Will Hunting, Sean McGuire, Chuckie Sullivan, Skylar, Professor Gerald Lambeau, Morgan O’Mally, Billy McBride, Tom

Favorite Quote: “Do you like apples?”

Favorite Scene: Chuckie’s “the best part of my day” speech

Favorite Character: Sean McGuire

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Gus Van Sant: none

I grew up (and currently live) about 10 minutes from Dartmouth College, so I find it hilarious that Harvard University (where this movie “took place”) seems so much more prestigious than its Ivy League counterpart. But don’t get me started on my hatred for the Big Green. This movie reminds me of my times hanging out with my friends in the late nineties; wanting to “fuck up some smart kids”, wearing an “I hate L.A.” shirt, and eating a bunch of caramels. I think the main characters from the movie are ones you either love or hate. Will, Chuckie, Morgan, and Billy swear and drink a lot but they are always there for each other. Professor Lambeau and Tom are just looking out for themselves, and doing equations and shit. It was a toss-up for favorite character: Skylar was the perfect girl, funny and goofy, but I went with Sean. He taught me to always choose love over sports . . . unless you know history is going to happen at Fenway.

There was a lot of great dialogue throughout the movie, even if you didn’t include all the uses of the word fuck. “My boy’s wicked smart”, “Keep your ear to the grindstone” are funny; “I gotta see about a girl”, “It’s not your fault” are classics. But everyone remembers (my favorite) “Do you like apples?” My favorite scene is when Chuckie basically tells Will, “I love you, but get the fuck out of Boston.” It is what all best friends should say to each other.

What most people will remember about this movie is Robin Williams’ Oscar-winning performance, and Matt Damon/Ben Affleck winning the Oscar for best screenplay. But what I think people shouldn’t forget is the amazing music from the film, especially Elliott Smith’s “Miss Misery”. It should have won the Oscar for best song over Celine Dion’s Titanic theme “My Heart Will Go On”. But Titanic won every award in 1997. Side note: thanks to Skylar for giving me my 2019 March Madness Tournament Challenge bracket name . . . Hook-Hook Dunk-Dunk!!

Next movie to review: The Big Lebowski

Let Me Get Up On It

Boogie Nights (1997)

Rating: R

Runtime: 155 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 39 million (approximately)

Characters: Dirk Diggler, Jack Horner, Amber Waves, Rollergirl, Reed Rothchild, Becky Barnett, Buck Swope, Jessie St. Vincent, Johnny Doe, Kurt Longjohn, “Little” Bill Thompson, Scotty J, Todd Parker, The Colonel, Floyd Gondolli, Jerome, “Little” Bill’s wife, Maurice Rodriguez, Rahad Jackson, Sheryl Lynn

Favorite Quote: “My fucking wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, Kurt.”

Favorite Scene: Buck’s Super Cool Stereo Store commercial

Favorite Character: Buck Swope

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Paul Thomas Anderson: Magnolia

This movie is definitely not for the younger Salty Chewbacca fans. I probably shouldn’t even be allowed to watch this movie. Sex ... check. Drugs ... check. Rock ‘n’ Roll ... check. More sex ... check. We will get to the rock ‘n’ roll later ... let’s start with the sex. Dirk Diggler is the new guy with the big dick. Jack Horner (the porn movie director) sees something special in Dirk and then sees Dirk inside of his porn-star wife, Amber Waves. There are many other characters in this movie that you get to know, because hey, someone’s got to hold the boom mic and write the script. Rollergirl is hot, Reed Rothchild is funny, “Little” Bill is depressing, and Scotty J is horny for Dirk. Buck Swope is my favorite. He is into dressing like a cowboy and stereo equipment. It isn’t until he ditches the Western look for a B-Boy Stance (my favorite scene) that he finally gets what he deserves.

There is a lot of great dialogue in the movie (seriously, I watched it for the dialogue). The best line in the movie is one I am not sure if it was done intentionally or not. “Little” Bill is talking to Kurt Longjohn at one of Jack’s cocaine and margarita parties when he sees his wife having sex (again) with another man. He seems distracted and says, “My fucking wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, Kurt.” Was it scripted that way, or does he say the line wrong but it’s so funny that they kept it in?? Either way, it’s hilarious.

The only thing I enjoyed more than the porn-movie-inside-a-porn-movie characters Brock Landers and Chest Rockwell is the soundtrack. “Sister Christian” (one of the top 25 hair band songs ever), “Jessie’s Girl” (one of the top 25 ’80s songs ever), and “99 Luftballons” (my favorite song ever). It made me want to go down the sugar tree and see lots of bees, if you know what I mean.

Next movie to review: Good Will Hunting

We're All Mad Here

Scream (1996)

Rating: R

Runtime: 111 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 156 million (approximately)

Characters: Sidney Prescott, Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Randy Meeks, Tatum Riley, Dewey Riley, Gale Weathers, Kenny, Principal Himbry, Sheriff Burke, Neil Prescott, Casey Becker, Steve Orth, Fred the Janitor

Favorite Quote: “Do you like scary movies?”

Favorite Scene: the opening thirteen minutes with Casey Becker

Favorite Character: Sidney Prescott

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Wes Craven: none

I used to work in a video store, and the night before the new releases were to come out, I was in charge of rearranging the store after we closed. It would take me about two hours (alphabetizing and making sure it was perfect) and to make sure I was on schedule I used to play this movie while I did it. As long as I was to a certain part of the store during a certain scene I knew I was doing ok. So I know this movie pretty much word for word. I’ll never forget the classic lines like “fuck rag”, “goon fuck”, and “liver alone”. There are so many characters in this movie, though some of them don’t make it all the way to the end. Everyone probably has a different favorite: Billy the boyfriend, Stu the boyfriend of the best friend, Randy the movie nerd, Tatum the best friend, Dewey the deputy, or even Fred the janitor. Mine is Sidney. I always had a thing for her.

This movie really changed the rules for horror movies. Wait, you don’t know the rules?!?! The three rules to surviving a horror movie: never have sex, never drink or do drugs, and never say “I’ll be right back”. The opening thirteen minutes of this movie (my favorite scene) are about as perfect a beginning as you will ever see. The phone rings, the killer asks Casey Becker “Do you like scary movies?” (my favorite quote), craziness ensues, and (spoiler alert) somebody dies. The remaining 98 minutes are filled with sex, alcohol, and a few more somebodies die. Oh, and “Red Right Hand” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds was a great addition to the soundtrack. It fits this movie better than Tatum does through a pet door.

This movie was a big hit and the horror genre was popular again with the younger crowd. Sequels of Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm Street were dying at the box office; but cool movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer, and Urban Legend quickly followed the success of Scream. Scream 2 (1997) and Scream 3 (2000) would complete the trilogy because like my buddy Stu always said “You gotta have a sequel!!”

Next movie to review: Boogie Nights

I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You

Jerry Maguire (1996)

Rating: R

Runtime: 138 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 232 million (approximately)

Characters: Jerry Maguire, Dorothy Boyd, Rod Tidwell, Ray Boyd, Laurel Boyd, Marcee Tidwell, Teepee Tidwell, Tyson Tidwell, Avery Bishop, Frank Cushman, Matt Cushman, Bob Sugar, Chad

Favorite Quote: “Show me the money.”

Favorite Scene: The “Secret Garden” montage

Favorite Character: Dorothy Boyd

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Cameron Crowe: none

There are lots of nineties pop-culture references (Hootie and the Blowfish, Clarence Thomas, and Tom Cruise’s sweet Charles Barkley vs. Shawn Kemp t-shirt) and lots of popular nineties catch phrases (we will get to those). So where do I start?? Sure, Tom Cruise was/is the most popular actor of his time, and Cuba Gooding Jr. won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar; but to me, this is Renee’s movie. In the words of Jerry Maguire describing Dorothy Boyd before their date: “That’s not a dress. That’s an Audrey Hepburn movie.” Everyone loved Jerry, rooted for Rod Tidwell, thought Ray Boyd was cute, and hated Bob Sugar. Right from the beginning I knew that Dorothy would be my favorite character from the film.

I would have to do some research, but this movie has to be the movie with the most “top quotes from a movie” ever. In 1996-97 you couldn’t go anywhere without hearing someone say “You complete me”, “You had me at hello”, or “Shoplift the pootie”. But my favorite is “Show me the money”. Deciding on favorite scene was a little more difficult. I can’t be driving in my car and hear Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’” without turning it up and singing it badly just like Jerry. But the scene that does it for me is the “Secret Garden” montage where Jerry and Dorothy are going out on their first date. Side note: “Secret Garden” is a terrible song if you listen to it closely. “She’ll let you in her mouth if the words you say are right.” Ewwww ...

When this movie was released on VHS, it became the highest selling non-Disney tape of all time. I remember reading an article about people going to any thrift store/yard sale or any place that was selling used VHS tapes, and there was always at least one copy of Jerry Maguire. It makes sense. This movie had something for everyone. Romance and sports. Language and nudity. And Jonathan “do you know the human head weighs eight pounds” Lipnicki.

Next movie to review: Scream

Cold Cold Ground

Fargo (1996)

Rating: R

Runtime: 98 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 37 million (approximately)

Characters: Marge Gunderson, Jerry Lundegaard, Carl Showalter, Gaear Grimsrud, Wade Gustafson, Jean Lundegaard, Scotty Lundegaard, Stan Grossman, Norm Gunderson, Shep Proudfoot, Mike Yanagita, Lou

Favorite Quote: “You know it’s a Radisson, so it’s pretty good.”

Favorite Scene: Marge and Mike at the Radisson

Favorite Character: Marge Gunderson

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by the Coen brothers: The Big Lebowski (also on Salty Chewbacca’s Necessary Nineties list!!)

This is the first of two Coen Brothers movies to be reviewed for my blog. You will have to wait for bowling and White Russians; this movie has Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. Oh, and lots of sex and violence. It will make you say “Oh jeez!” My favorite character, Marge Gunderson, is the hero of the movie. She is a police chief, is pregnant, and has a sweet husband Norm who feeds her eggs and Arby’s. Jerry Lundegaard is the villain. Carl and Gaear are the bad guys helping Jerry. Everyone else (Wade, Jean, Scotty, Stan) is caught in the middle. Oh, and let’s not forget Mike Yanagita. He’s got a crush on Marge and delivers my favorite line from the movie: “You know it’s a Radisson, so it’s pretty good”.

Speaking of Mike and Marge, they are in my favorite scene. I know everyone always talks about the woodchipper scene, but when Mike is trying to get with Marge over dinner, you just can’t look away. It’s so uncomfortable. Imagine a 30-minute episode of Frasier or The Office all crammed into 5 minutes. Side note: there have been times when I have been watching those two shows with my girlfriend and she either makes me turn down the volume or turn the channel or she has to leave the room. Oh, and I am pretty sure that if I had been on dates growing up they would have been just as uncomfortable. Good thing I never have to worry about that; thanks, Rebecca!!

I am pretty excited to watch The Big Lebowski again after watching this (only 5 movies away!). I hadn’t seen Fargo in over 20 years, and I have only seen Lebowski twice. It should be really interesting to compare the two; I think that there are going to be a lot of similarities/differences, and it will be cool to talk to/hear from people to see which one they prefer. Funny, my favorite Coen Brothers movie is neither of these: it’s The Hudsucker Proxy. Goooo Eagles!!!!

Next movie to review: Jerry Maguire

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Toy Story (1995)

Rating: G

Runtime: 81 Minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 299 million (approximately)

Characters: Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Bo Peep, Hamm, Mr. Potato Head, Rex, Slinky, Sergeant, Mr. Shark, Squeeze Toy Aliens, Andy, Mrs. Davis, Molly, Sid, Hannah, Scud, Sid’s toys

Favorite Quote: “Look, I’m Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!”

Favorite Scene: When the toys get their revenge on Sid

Favorite Character: Rex

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by John Lasseter: Toy Story 2

It’s the first animated movie to review on my nineties list!! Ironically, it’s the first feature-length computer-animated movie ever. They really took this movie “to infinity ... and beyond!” Yeah, I went there. Speaking of going there, I would like to go to Pizza Planet. It’s the Golf n’ Stuff of its time. Side note: if you get that reference, you win a prize. There are lots of cool characters in this movie. Woody (Andy’s favorite toy) who tells us to “Reach for the sky”, and “There’s a snake in my boot”, Buzz Lightbeer (I mean Lightyear) who is the new toy in town, supporting toys Bo Peep, Hamm, Mr. Potato Head, Slinky, Sergeant, and the Squeeze Toy Aliens. Rex is my favorite. He reminds me of myself: funny and hates confrontation.

Before I get to my favorite quote, I feel like I should mention the music. “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” is a classic. I made a 40-50 greatest Disney songs cd a few years ago, and this definitely would have made it on there if I was including Disney/Pixar songs. Side note: my favorite Disney song ever... ”I Won’t Say (I’m in Love)” from Hercules. Ok, back to Toy Story. Speaking of favorites: my favorite quote from the movie is “Look, I’m Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!” Mr. Shark is hilarious; he would have been my favorite character if he had been in the movie more. There were a lot of great scenes I could have chosen for favorite. I went dark, with the toys getting the best of Sid. Play nice!!

This movie was followed by two other extremely successful sequels. You could argue that any of the three are the best of the trilogy. Some could even argue it is the best trilogy ever. If I had to narrow it down to the four greatest trilogies ever (in no particular order): Star Wars (New Hope, Empire, Jedi), The Lord of the Rings, Toy Story, and the Before Trilogy (Sunrise, Sunset, Midnight). Why four?? ... three is not enough and five is too many. Feel free to argue with me and let me know your choices in the comments.

Next movie to review: Fargo

The One That Got Away

The Usual Suspects (1995)

Rating: R

Runtime: 106 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 36 million (approximately)

Characters: Roger “Verbal” Kint, Dave Kujan, Fred Fenster, Todd Hockney, Dean Keaton, Michael McManus, Jack Baer, Jeffrey Rabin, Edie Finneran, Mr. Kobayashi, Keyser Soze

Favorite Quote: “Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker.”

Favorite Scene: The first 10 seconds we see Verbal in the interrogation room

Favorite Character: Fenster

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Bryan Singer: none

I did not see this movie when it came out in the theaters and it wasn’t until after the ending was spoiled for me that I did. Of course that totally ruined it for me, but it was still a really good movie once I did watch it. The characters and the storytelling are fantastic. The main five guys are all great in their own way. Everyone’s favorite is probably Verbal, but Fenster is mine. He is hilarious. Side note: funny story ... Excess Baggage was the first movie I saw starring Benicio del Toro. And I am pretty sure I saw it at least three times. But let’s not talk about that. Fenster delivers many laughs in this movie, and the one I liked the best was his interpretation of the line “Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker” during the line-up.

The ending of the movie is probably one of the best ever, but since I already knew what was going to happen I chose another scene in the movie as my favorite. It is a very short scene (about 10 seconds), but it is so good. It’s when we are first introduced to Verbal in the movie, and (though we don’t know it at the time) it is where he comes up with the story he tells Special Agent Dave Kujan just by scanning the bulletin board hanging on the wall. As for the ending, I think it was one of if not the first movie from the nineties that had a huge “twist” that had everybody talking. And then it seemed that every movie to follow in the nineties tried to top it.

I am sure this movie would have been one of my favorites at the time if I had seen it right away, and it’s probably impossible for anyone to have avoided spoilers now over 22 years later. But if it is ever on TV I would have a hard time not watching it, and if you have somehow never heard of/seen this/been spoiled on this movie, see it before it’s too late. Hopefully, if you made it this far in my review, I haven’t given anything away.

Next movie to review: Toy Story

Watch Her Disappear

Clueless (1995)

Rating: PG-13

Runtime: 97 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 88 million (approximately)

Characters: Cher Horowitz, Dionne Davenport, Tai Frasier, Murray Duvall, Josh Lucas, Travis Birkenstock, Amber, Christian, Elton, Summer, Mel Horowitz, Ms. Geist, Mr. Hall, Ms. Stoeger, Lucy

Favorite Quote: “They’re playing our song. The one that Elton and I danced to. ‘Rollin’ With the Homies’.”

Favorite Scene: Any scene where Cher is watching Beavis and Butt-Head or The Ren & Stimpy Show

Favorite Character: Josh

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Amy Heckerling: none

I expected this movie to have the most dated feel to it from my list, but I think that it was almost a parody of itself so it may have been ahead of its time and holds up extremely well. It is loaded with nineties catchphrases like “Snaps”, “As if”, “Surfing the crimson wave”, “Herbal refreshment”, and “Totally buggin’”, and pop culture references to The Cranberries, Marky Mark, Mentos, Twin Peaks, Christian Slater, Luke Perry, Pauly Shore, Jason Priestly, The Real World, and Forrest Gump. There are a lot of fresh new faces to love in this movie: Cher the popular girl, Dionne the best friend, Tai the new girl, Murray the boyfriend, Travis the stoner, Amber the rival, Christian the gay friend, Elton the jerk, Summer the quiet friend, Mel the protective father, Ms. Geist and Mr. Hall the teachers who fall in love, and Ms. Stoeger the stereotypical phys ed teacher. But my favorite is Josh, the tries-to-be cool college kid who is really just a big dork.

Speaking of Josh, he is a big fan of Radiohead, and I was a big fan of the soundtrack when it came out. Mostly for the Counting Crows song that was on it, but it also had fun songs from Radiohead, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Coolio, and Jill Sobule. My favorite quote is when Tai says “They’re playing our song. The one that Elton and I danced to. ‘Rollin’ With the Homies’.” I have always found it funny that that song could be someone’s song. My favorite scene was any involving Cher watching Beavis and Butt-Head or Ren & Stimpy because it’s kind of cute, and I can see myself being into a girl like that when I was in high school.

I prefer this movie over Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Amy Heckerling’s directorial debut and a movie from my essential eighties movie list). Maybe it’s because this movie has a song covered by Jewel in it (“All By Myself”) or a scene where they play “suck and blow” a party game I wish I had been a part of when I was seventeen.

Next movie to review: The Usual Suspects

I Can't Wait To Get Off Work

Clerks (1994)

Rating: R

Runtime: 92 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 5 million (approximately)

Characters: Dante Hicks, Randal Graves, Veronica Loughran, Caitlin Bree, Jay, Silent Bob, Heather Jones, Rick Derris, William, Olaf, Chewlies Gum rep, Old Man, Egg Man, Jizz Mopper, Milk Maid, Cat, Dog

Favorite Quote: “I’m not even supposed to be here today.”

Favorites Scene: Silent Bob’s speech at the end about Veronica and lasagna

Favorite Character: Silent Bob

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Kevin Smith: Chasing Amy

Funny story ... I had never heard of this movie until after I saw Chasing Amy in 1997. This film pretty much sums up how I felt in the mid to late nineties working at a movie theater and the almost ten years working at a video store (like Randal!!): “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fuckin’ customers.” There is a lot of great dialogue (I never knew what it meant to snowball someone) and interesting characters throughout the movie: Dante (the slacker), Randal (the best friend), Veronica (the girlfriend), Caitlin (the ex-girlfriend), Heather Jones and Rick Derris (the “hey, I remember you from high school” people you always seem to run into), the Old Man, the Egg Man, the Jizz Mopper, and the Milk Maid.

Like I mentioned before, there is much great dialogue to choose from for favorite quote. There is a fantastic breakdown of Return of the Jedi, a shocking reveal of the girlfriend who sucked 37 dicks, and a song about Chewbacca ... what a Wookiee!! But I like the classic “I’m not even supposed to be here today”, which is said several times throughout the film by Dante (he who loves hockey and smells of shoe polish). Even though I mentioned several characters above, the two I didn’t mention, Jay and Silent Bob, are probably everybody’s favorite. I think me at age 21 loved Jay, but me at 41 loves Silent Bob. He doesn’t say much, but when he does it’s memorable. Dante thinks he has it all figured out, but Silent Bob (in my favorite scene) is the one who knows the meaning of life: someone who cares about you and brings you food is the one you should be with.

Clerks is the movie on my list that made the least amount of money at the box office, but I remember reading somewhere that it was the VHS most likely to be stolen from a video store. So it’s got that goin’ for it, which is nice.

Next movie to review: Clueless

Just The Right Bullets

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Rating: R

Runtime: 154 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 173 million (approximately)

Characters: Jules Winnfield, Vincent Vega, Mia Wallace, Butch Coolidge, Marsellus Wallace, Fabienne, Pumpkin, Honey Bunny, Lance, Jody, Trudi, Zed, Maynard, The Gimp, Marvin, Jimmie, The Wolf, Esmarelda Villalobos, Captain Koons

Favorite Quote: Mia Wallace’s Fox Force Five joke (spoiler alert ... it’s about a family of tomatoes and ketchup)

Favorite Scene: Mia and Vincent’s dinner date at Jack Rabbit Slim’s

Favorite Character: Mia Wallace

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Quentin Tarantino: Reservoir Dogs

After watching this movie for my review, I realized it had been about twenty years since I had last seen it. I think twenty years ago Jeff probably viewed this movie a lot differently. Jules was probably my favorite character then (he had a bad mother fucker wallet!!). Now, it is Mia Wallace. I still love Jules, and there were several other characters that were great and worthy of favorite status (Vincent, Butch, Marsellus, The Wolf), but Mia is amazing. Every scene she is in you can’t take your eyes off her. She’s cool, funny, and she can dance. Not only is she my favorite character, she delivers my favorite quote from the movie and she is in my favorite scene.

I have been known to tell a pun or two in my time, so when Mia tells her Fox Force Five joke, I knew that would be my choice for favorite quote. As for favorite scene, I picked Mia and Vincent’s conversation before/during their dinner at Jack Rabbit Slim’s. I am sure most people would choose the twist contest or the overdose/needle scene, and I almost went with the Jules and Vincent breakfast scene. But the back and forth between Mia and Vincent is so cool and funny, and you can totally see/feel the tension building between them of something that could have been. It’s kind of like the opposite of every one of the first dates that I ever went on.

One of the most talked about things from the movie is the briefcase. What is inside?? I am ok with it never being revealed. My guess would be Larry Bird’s jersey, or maybe a copy of Back to the Future on VHS. One of the least talked about things from the movie is Jack Rabbit Slim’s. I would eat there all the time if it were in my town. Pretty sure my go-to meal would have been the Slim’s Famous Speedburger, Cherry Coke, and a slice of pumpkin pie. Total bill (with tip): $22.00. Oh, and a Five Dollar Shake.

Next movie to review: Clerks