Dino-mite!

The Land Before Time (1988)

Rating: G

Runtime: 69 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 95 million (approximately)

Characters: Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Littlefoot’s mom, Sharptooth, Littlefoot’s grandfather, Littlefoot’s grandmother, Rooter

Cool Stuff: Tree Star

Cool Music: “If We Hold on Together”

Cool Quote: “Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely."

This is the shortest movie on my list (69 minutes). I have read that it was supposed to be longer (by about ten minutes) but it would have resulted in it being too scary for kids. What we do get in the short amount of time is great characters and lots of emotion. Littlefoot is the heartbroken Longneck who loves his mom. Cera is the stubborn Three-horn, Ducky is the chatty Swimmer, Petrie is the frightened Flyer, and Spike is the quiet Spiketail. The group spends their time trying to get to the Great Valley and away from Sharptooth. Littlefoot’s mom is very protective of her son and teaches him many great things.

One of the many things Littefoot learns from his mom is about Tree Stars. They are very cool because you can play with them and use them to remind you of your mom. Much of the emotion from the movie comes from the great soundtrack. My girlfriend owns it and listens to it frequently. The closing song by Diana Ross, “If We Hold on Together”, captures the innocence and sweetness of the characters and reminds us all of what it was like to be a kid. As for cool quote, yet again it’s something that is taught to Littlefoot by his mom: “Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.”

This is probably one of the saddest animated movies you will ever see. The Lion King was definitely influenced by it (who am I kidding, The Lion King was influenced by a lot of things). There is a scene where Littlefoot sees his mother’s shadow and runs to it only to find it is his own and he is left alone. Poor little guy. His mom left big shoes to fill, but with the help of his friends he will succeed. Speaking of success: this movie spawned 12 (and counting) direct-to-video sequels. And they all have musical numbers. That is a lot of singing dinosaurs ... yep yep yep!

Next movie to review: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Christmas time in Hollis Queens

Die Hard (1988)

Rating: R

Runtime: 132 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 164 million (approximately)

Characters: John McClane, Hans Gruber, Sgt. Al Powell, Holly Gennaro-McClane, Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson, Harry Ellis, Richard Thornburg, Joseph Yoshinobu Takagi, Argyle, Alexander, Eddie, Franco, Fritz, Heinrich, James, Karl, Kristoff, Marco, Theo, Tony, Uli, Big Johnson, Little Johnson, Lucy McClane, John McClane Jr.

Cool Stuff: John McClane’s feet

Cool Music: “Christmas in Hollis”

Cool Quote: “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!”

I saw this movie for the first time about five years ago. I should have seen it when I was a teenager. I would have been so much cooler. I know ... I say that a lot. Speaking of cool, John McClane is the hero of this film, and is probably near the top of the list of heroes from the movies I have watched so far for my blog. With a little help from Sgt. Al Powell, McClane takes down Alexander, Eddie, Franco, Fritz, Heinrich, James, Karl, Kristoff, Marco, Theo, Tony, Uli, and of course Hans Gruber. And if John McClane is one of the greatest heroes from the eighties, than I would have to say that Hans Gruber is definitely one of the greatest villains. He would be Severus Snape’s prize pupil.

Ok, more about John McClane and being cool. Early in the movie, McClane takes his shoes off, and when things start to go bad he doesn’t have time to put them back on. This leads to a great scene later in the movie when he has to walk through a bunch of broken glass to get away. I would say that that makes his feet the coolest thing in the movie. Well, maybe the second coolest thing. Being that this movie takes place during Christmas, (I forgot to mention that) Argyle blasts some “Christmas in Hollis” in his limo. I love Run-DMC! Cool quote from the move is pretty obvious. Sorry, Salty readers with kids, more bad words: “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!”

There have not been many action movies on my list so far, so I am glad that this is one of them. Another thing that I am glad about is the death of one of the characters in this movie. First he hits on John’s wife Holly, and then he pretends to be friends with John to get on Hans Gruber’s good side. Cocaine Harry was such a jerk!

Next movie to review: The Land Before Time

Greed. Sex. Murder.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 104 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 308 million (approximately)

Characters: Eddie Valiant, Roger Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit, Judge Doom, Dolores, Marvin Acme, R.K. Maroon, Lieutenant Santino, Teddy Valiant, Baby Herman, Benny the Cab, The Weasels, Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Betty Boop

Cool Stuff: Jessica Rabbit’s Ink & Paint Club dress

Cool Music: “Why Don’t You Do Right?”

Cool Quote: “I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.”

Fantastic human characters and loveable cartoon characters in a film noir setting with a jazz music score ... it’s perfect! Eddie Valiant is, well, fantastic as a broken-down private detective that loves himself a stiff drink and misses his brother Teddy. And I guess that makes Roger Rabbit the lovable cartoon star that does not (he does) like the juice and loves his wife Jessica Rabbit. Judge Doom is super scary and Dolores is super funny and there for Eddie when he needs her. Sprinkle in Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, and all of their friends and you have a hard time not laughing yourself to death. Side note: Betty Boop plays a waitress at the Ink & Paint Club.... Salty likey!

Speaking of the Ink & Paint Club, the coolest thing from the movie is the dress that Jessica Rabbit wears while performing on stage. It’s all shiny and sparkly and beautifully inked and painted ... if you know what I mean. While wearing that dress, Jessica Rabbit sings the cool song “Why Don’t You Do Right?” Hearing her sing is what Marvin Acme came for, and it results in Eddie Valiant getting his tie straightened. To finish this paragraph three for three, Jessica Rabbit has the coolest quote “I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.” Eddie Valiant would agree.

I am not sure why, but I have always found Dolores’s line, “Would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels,” hilarious. I know I am not alone in being absolutely heartbroken after seeing the shoe in the Dip scene.... I may have cried. And I learned three important lessons from the movie: scotch on the rocks doesn’t always mean ice, no toon can resist Shave-and-a-Haircut, and nose don’t rhyme with walls. This movie was such a success, it’s hard to imagine the live-action/animated formula failing four years later in Cool World.

Next movie to review: Die Hard