Frank's Theme

There’s Something About Mary (1998)

Rating: R

Runtime: 119 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 256 million (approximately)

Characters: Mary Jensen, Ted Stroehmann, Pat Healy, Warren Jensen, Tucker/Norm, Dom Woganowski, Magda, Sully, Brenda, Joanie, Lisa, Charlie, Sheila Jensen, Puffy, Brett Favre, The Hitchhiker, Jonathan Richman

Favreite Quote: “Seven chipmunks twirling on a branch, eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea.”

Favreite Scene: Ted and the hitchhiker in the car

Favreite Character: The Hitchhiker

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by the Farrelly Brothers: Dumb and Dumber

A modern love story . . . with Jonathan Richman from the Modern Lovers!! Everyone fell for Mary in this movie, and everyone fell for Cameron Diaz in real life. I mean, how could you not: Mary liked beer, played golf, and enjoyed her vibrator. But she wasn’t my favorite character. Everyone was always fuckin’ with Ted and some of his best friends didn’t know his name, Woogie went to Borington High, but my favorite is the hitchhiker. He has the best lines: “It’s like you’re dreaming about gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly brie time, baby”, “Step into my office . . . cause you’re fuckin’ fired”, and my favorite, “Seven chipmunks twirling on a branch, eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea.” Some other really good lines that everyone was saying for a while were “Have you seen my baseball?” and “Franks and beans!”.

There were many scenes that everyone was talking about after seeing the movie: that time Ted got the beans above the frank (ouch), the jizz-hair gel scene (for obvious reasons), and the Puffy and Ted fight scene (which I think went on a bit too long). My favorite scene is Ted and the hitchhiker in Ted’s car. Mostly because it had all of my favorite lines from the movie, and because it was so uncomfortable, and you know that Harland Williams (the hitchhiker) was making it all up as he went.

I am sure there will be people out there who will argue that I should have picked Dumb and Dumber as my Farrelly brothers must-see movie from the nineties, but this movie has some valuable lessons that we should be aware of in our everyday life: they don’t make movies like Harold and Maude anymore, the girl you like is probably a Niners fan, and you should always jerk off before a big date . . . just make sure you clean up after.

Next movie to review: Rushmore