All Stripped Down

American Pie (1999)

Rating: R

Runtime: 96 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 146 million (approximately)

Characters: Jim, Kevin, Oz, Finch, Stifler, Vicki, Jessica, Heather, Michelle, Nadia, Sherman, Jim’s dad, Jim’s mom, Stifler’s mom

Favorite Quote: “This one time, at band camp …”

Favorite Scene: Jim fucks an apple pie

Favorite Character: Jim

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Paul and Chris Weitz: none

I remember working at the theater when this movie came out and I let so many teenagers buy tickets without carding them. You’re welcome!! This film was filled with things that happened to me when I was in high school: I watched scrambled porn, drank jizz beer, and said “Suck me, beautiful” to a handful of girls. Ok, I only did one of those things. We all knew the characters from the film because they were like everyone we grew up with and either loved or hated them. There were popular guys (Kevin, Oz, Stifler), and nerdy guys (Jim, Finch), and popular girls (Vicki, Nadia), and nerdy girls (Jessica, Heather, Michelle), and uncool dads and hot moms. My favorite is Jim because, well, I was Jim in high school: I thought Ariel was hot, and I tried to get with the popular girl instead of the nerdy girl who was in front of me the whole time.

I am pretty sure every guy that watched this movie in 1999 would have said his favorite scene was when Nadia was in Jim’s room masturbating to porn. Me, I will go with Jim fucking the apple pie. Why?? Because he fucked an apple pie!! I am also pretty sure that everyone’s favorite quote is the same as my favorite quote. You couldn’t go anywhere in 1999 without someone saying “This one time, at band camp …” You also couldn’t go anywhere and not run into anyone that didn’t have the movie soundtrack. It had every cool band at the time: Blink-182, Dishwalla, Sugar Ray, Third Eye Blind, and Tonic. The movie had cool music too:  Barenaked Ladies, Everclear, Harvey Danger, Hole, and 3 Doors Down. Ah, the nineties!!

The band (see what I did there) would get back together for American Pie 2 (2001), American Wedding (2003), and American Reunion (2012). But none of them were able to capture the magic of the original. Side note: if Salty Chewbacca were to ever do a movies from the 2000s (?) blog, it will definitely be all about movie franchises. To the next step!!

Next movie to review: The Blair Witch Project