Anywhere I Lay My Head

Being John Malkovich (1999)

Rating: R

Runtime: 113 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 32 million (approximately)

Characters: Craig Schwartz, Lotte Schwartz, Maxine Lund, John Malkovich, Dr. Lester, Floris, Charlie Sheen, Elijah

Favorite Quote: “Maybe you could alphabetize me. And don’t forget, I comes before U.”

Favorite Scene: When John Malkovich goes into the portal

Favorite Character: John Malkovich

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Spike Jonze: none

The last movie on my list is also one of the toughest I have had to review. The movie is weird (obviously), but I have had to write about weird movies before. I didn’t really like any of the characters (most of them are absolutely terrible people). But that being said, it is a visually appealing, well-acted movie that fits perfectly in this “thirty movies from the nineties” recap. John Malkovich is my favorite character. Maxine is great, but she (like Craig and Lotte) is just looking out for her best interests and doesn’t care about anybody but herself. Charlie Sheen is funny, and I find it adorable that he and John Malkovich grow old together and refer to each other as Masheen and Malcatraz.

The movie is full of uncomfortable moments and dialogue. There is an obvious “the overhead is low” pun about working on the tiny 7½ floor that I appreciate. There are also several references to a jewel thief movie that does not exist which I find funny. My favorite quote is delivered by Floris (another of the unlikeable characters). While watching Craig flip through some index cards, she says, “Maybe you could alphabetize me. And don’t forget, I comes before U.” Nineties workplace humor at its finest!! I loved the choice of Bjork’s “Amphibian” for the credits, but I am sure I read somewhere that They Might Be Giants “Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head” was the first choice. I know three people who would have loved this (shout out to Rebecca, Andy, and Scooter).

Everyone wants their 15 minutes inside Malkovich, so when John Malkovich himself crawls through the portal and is in a world where everyone is John Malkovich (my favorite scene), he probably wishes that he hadn’t. Side note: one person who wants to be someone else (the tagline of the movie), says that John Malkovich would be his “second choice”. I find it extremely strange that there are countless people in the world, and John Malkovich is his second choice. I have always wondered who his first would be.