I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Toy Story (1995)

Rating: G

Runtime: 81 Minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 299 million (approximately)

Characters: Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Bo Peep, Hamm, Mr. Potato Head, Rex, Slinky, Sergeant, Mr. Shark, Squeeze Toy Aliens, Andy, Mrs. Davis, Molly, Sid, Hannah, Scud, Sid’s toys

Favorite Quote: “Look, I’m Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!”

Favorite Scene: When the toys get their revenge on Sid

Favorite Character: Rex

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by John Lasseter: Toy Story 2

It’s the first animated movie to review on my nineties list!! Ironically, it’s the first feature-length computer-animated movie ever. They really took this movie “to infinity ... and beyond!” Yeah, I went there. Speaking of going there, I would like to go to Pizza Planet. It’s the Golf n’ Stuff of its time. Side note: if you get that reference, you win a prize. There are lots of cool characters in this movie. Woody (Andy’s favorite toy) who tells us to “Reach for the sky”, and “There’s a snake in my boot”, Buzz Lightbeer (I mean Lightyear) who is the new toy in town, supporting toys Bo Peep, Hamm, Mr. Potato Head, Slinky, Sergeant, and the Squeeze Toy Aliens. Rex is my favorite. He reminds me of myself: funny and hates confrontation.

Before I get to my favorite quote, I feel like I should mention the music. “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” is a classic. I made a 40-50 greatest Disney songs cd a few years ago, and this definitely would have made it on there if I was including Disney/Pixar songs. Side note: my favorite Disney song ever... ”I Won’t Say (I’m in Love)” from Hercules. Ok, back to Toy Story. Speaking of favorites: my favorite quote from the movie is “Look, I’m Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!” Mr. Shark is hilarious; he would have been my favorite character if he had been in the movie more. There were a lot of great scenes I could have chosen for favorite. I went dark, with the toys getting the best of Sid. Play nice!!

This movie was followed by two other extremely successful sequels. You could argue that any of the three are the best of the trilogy. Some could even argue it is the best trilogy ever. If I had to narrow it down to the four greatest trilogies ever (in no particular order): Star Wars (New Hope, Empire, Jedi), The Lord of the Rings, Toy Story, and the Before Trilogy (Sunrise, Sunset, Midnight). Why four?? ... three is not enough and five is too many. Feel free to argue with me and let me know your choices in the comments.

Next movie to review: Fargo

The One That Got Away

The Usual Suspects (1995)

Rating: R

Runtime: 106 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 36 million (approximately)

Characters: Roger “Verbal” Kint, Dave Kujan, Fred Fenster, Todd Hockney, Dean Keaton, Michael McManus, Jack Baer, Jeffrey Rabin, Edie Finneran, Mr. Kobayashi, Keyser Soze

Favorite Quote: “Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker.”

Favorite Scene: The first 10 seconds we see Verbal in the interrogation room

Favorite Character: Fenster

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Bryan Singer: none

I did not see this movie when it came out in the theaters and it wasn’t until after the ending was spoiled for me that I did. Of course that totally ruined it for me, but it was still a really good movie once I did watch it. The characters and the storytelling are fantastic. The main five guys are all great in their own way. Everyone’s favorite is probably Verbal, but Fenster is mine. He is hilarious. Side note: funny story ... Excess Baggage was the first movie I saw starring Benicio del Toro. And I am pretty sure I saw it at least three times. But let’s not talk about that. Fenster delivers many laughs in this movie, and the one I liked the best was his interpretation of the line “Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker” during the line-up.

The ending of the movie is probably one of the best ever, but since I already knew what was going to happen I chose another scene in the movie as my favorite. It is a very short scene (about 10 seconds), but it is so good. It’s when we are first introduced to Verbal in the movie, and (though we don’t know it at the time) it is where he comes up with the story he tells Special Agent Dave Kujan just by scanning the bulletin board hanging on the wall. As for the ending, I think it was one of if not the first movie from the nineties that had a huge “twist” that had everybody talking. And then it seemed that every movie to follow in the nineties tried to top it.

I am sure this movie would have been one of my favorites at the time if I had seen it right away, and it’s probably impossible for anyone to have avoided spoilers now over 22 years later. But if it is ever on TV I would have a hard time not watching it, and if you have somehow never heard of/seen this/been spoiled on this movie, see it before it’s too late. Hopefully, if you made it this far in my review, I haven’t given anything away.

Next movie to review: Toy Story

Watch Her Disappear

Clueless (1995)

Rating: PG-13

Runtime: 97 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 88 million (approximately)

Characters: Cher Horowitz, Dionne Davenport, Tai Frasier, Murray Duvall, Josh Lucas, Travis Birkenstock, Amber, Christian, Elton, Summer, Mel Horowitz, Ms. Geist, Mr. Hall, Ms. Stoeger, Lucy

Favorite Quote: “They’re playing our song. The one that Elton and I danced to. ‘Rollin’ With the Homies’.”

Favorite Scene: Any scene where Cher is watching Beavis and Butt-Head or The Ren & Stimpy Show

Favorite Character: Josh

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Amy Heckerling: none

I expected this movie to have the most dated feel to it from my list, but I think that it was almost a parody of itself so it may have been ahead of its time and holds up extremely well. It is loaded with nineties catchphrases like “Snaps”, “As if”, “Surfing the crimson wave”, “Herbal refreshment”, and “Totally buggin’”, and pop culture references to The Cranberries, Marky Mark, Mentos, Twin Peaks, Christian Slater, Luke Perry, Pauly Shore, Jason Priestly, The Real World, and Forrest Gump. There are a lot of fresh new faces to love in this movie: Cher the popular girl, Dionne the best friend, Tai the new girl, Murray the boyfriend, Travis the stoner, Amber the rival, Christian the gay friend, Elton the jerk, Summer the quiet friend, Mel the protective father, Ms. Geist and Mr. Hall the teachers who fall in love, and Ms. Stoeger the stereotypical phys ed teacher. But my favorite is Josh, the tries-to-be cool college kid who is really just a big dork.

Speaking of Josh, he is a big fan of Radiohead, and I was a big fan of the soundtrack when it came out. Mostly for the Counting Crows song that was on it, but it also had fun songs from Radiohead, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Coolio, and Jill Sobule. My favorite quote is when Tai says “They’re playing our song. The one that Elton and I danced to. ‘Rollin’ With the Homies’.” I have always found it funny that that song could be someone’s song. My favorite scene was any involving Cher watching Beavis and Butt-Head or Ren & Stimpy because it’s kind of cute, and I can see myself being into a girl like that when I was in high school.

I prefer this movie over Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Amy Heckerling’s directorial debut and a movie from my essential eighties movie list). Maybe it’s because this movie has a song covered by Jewel in it (“All By Myself”) or a scene where they play “suck and blow” a party game I wish I had been a part of when I was seventeen.

Next movie to review: The Usual Suspects

I Can't Wait To Get Off Work

Clerks (1994)

Rating: R

Runtime: 92 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 5 million (approximately)

Characters: Dante Hicks, Randal Graves, Veronica Loughran, Caitlin Bree, Jay, Silent Bob, Heather Jones, Rick Derris, William, Olaf, Chewlies Gum rep, Old Man, Egg Man, Jizz Mopper, Milk Maid, Cat, Dog

Favorite Quote: “I’m not even supposed to be here today.”

Favorites Scene: Silent Bob’s speech at the end about Veronica and lasagna

Favorite Character: Silent Bob

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Kevin Smith: Chasing Amy

Funny story ... I had never heard of this movie until after I saw Chasing Amy in 1997. This film pretty much sums up how I felt in the mid to late nineties working at a movie theater and the almost ten years working at a video store (like Randal!!): “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fuckin’ customers.” There is a lot of great dialogue (I never knew what it meant to snowball someone) and interesting characters throughout the movie: Dante (the slacker), Randal (the best friend), Veronica (the girlfriend), Caitlin (the ex-girlfriend), Heather Jones and Rick Derris (the “hey, I remember you from high school” people you always seem to run into), the Old Man, the Egg Man, the Jizz Mopper, and the Milk Maid.

Like I mentioned before, there is much great dialogue to choose from for favorite quote. There is a fantastic breakdown of Return of the Jedi, a shocking reveal of the girlfriend who sucked 37 dicks, and a song about Chewbacca ... what a Wookiee!! But I like the classic “I’m not even supposed to be here today”, which is said several times throughout the film by Dante (he who loves hockey and smells of shoe polish). Even though I mentioned several characters above, the two I didn’t mention, Jay and Silent Bob, are probably everybody’s favorite. I think me at age 21 loved Jay, but me at 41 loves Silent Bob. He doesn’t say much, but when he does it’s memorable. Dante thinks he has it all figured out, but Silent Bob (in my favorite scene) is the one who knows the meaning of life: someone who cares about you and brings you food is the one you should be with.

Clerks is the movie on my list that made the least amount of money at the box office, but I remember reading somewhere that it was the VHS most likely to be stolen from a video store. So it’s got that goin’ for it, which is nice.

Next movie to review: Clueless

Just The Right Bullets

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Rating: R

Runtime: 154 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 173 million (approximately)

Characters: Jules Winnfield, Vincent Vega, Mia Wallace, Butch Coolidge, Marsellus Wallace, Fabienne, Pumpkin, Honey Bunny, Lance, Jody, Trudi, Zed, Maynard, The Gimp, Marvin, Jimmie, The Wolf, Esmarelda Villalobos, Captain Koons

Favorite Quote: Mia Wallace’s Fox Force Five joke (spoiler alert ... it’s about a family of tomatoes and ketchup)

Favorite Scene: Mia and Vincent’s dinner date at Jack Rabbit Slim’s

Favorite Character: Mia Wallace

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Quentin Tarantino: Reservoir Dogs

After watching this movie for my review, I realized it had been about twenty years since I had last seen it. I think twenty years ago Jeff probably viewed this movie a lot differently. Jules was probably my favorite character then (he had a bad mother fucker wallet!!). Now, it is Mia Wallace. I still love Jules, and there were several other characters that were great and worthy of favorite status (Vincent, Butch, Marsellus, The Wolf), but Mia is amazing. Every scene she is in you can’t take your eyes off her. She’s cool, funny, and she can dance. Not only is she my favorite character, she delivers my favorite quote from the movie and she is in my favorite scene.

I have been known to tell a pun or two in my time, so when Mia tells her Fox Force Five joke, I knew that would be my choice for favorite quote. As for favorite scene, I picked Mia and Vincent’s conversation before/during their dinner at Jack Rabbit Slim’s. I am sure most people would choose the twist contest or the overdose/needle scene, and I almost went with the Jules and Vincent breakfast scene. But the back and forth between Mia and Vincent is so cool and funny, and you can totally see/feel the tension building between them of something that could have been. It’s kind of like the opposite of every one of the first dates that I ever went on.

One of the most talked about things from the movie is the briefcase. What is inside?? I am ok with it never being revealed. My guess would be Larry Bird’s jersey, or maybe a copy of Back to the Future on VHS. One of the least talked about things from the movie is Jack Rabbit Slim’s. I would eat there all the time if it were in my town. Pretty sure my go-to meal would have been the Slim’s Famous Speedburger, Cherry Coke, and a slice of pumpkin pie. Total bill (with tip): $22.00. Oh, and a Five Dollar Shake.

Next movie to review: Clerks

A Good Man Is Hard To Find

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)

Rating: PG-13

Runtime: 125 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 359 million (approximately)

Characters: Daniel Hillard, Euphegenia Doubtfire, Miranda Hillard, Lydia Hillard, Chris Hillard, Natalie Hillard, Stuart Dunmeyer, Jonathan Lundy, Mrs. Sellner, Frank, Jack

Favorite Quote: “It was a run-by fruiting.”

Favorite Scene: Daniel playing with the dinosaur toys

Favorite Character: Daniel Hillard

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Chris Columbus: Home Alone

It’s only the second comedy movie on my list so far (Groundhog Day being the other). I found the two similar in that they are both really funny, but really sad and depressing at the same time. Daniel Hillard/Euphegenia Doubtfire are played brilliantly by Robin Williams. Miranda Hillard is the classic not fun mom. Their kids (Lydia, Chris, and Natalie) are grumpy, awkward, and cute. Stuart Dunmeyer is the classic man moving into the possible new dad role. You have to hate him, but it’s possible he is a really nice guy. And Jonathan Lundy is the classic boss who enjoys his scotchy scotch scotch. My favorite character is Daniel, because if I was a dad, I would be like him. He likes to “Jump Around”, be funny at the wrong time, and wear a dress.

With Robin Williams being in the movie, there are of course hilarious things being said and done at an extremely fast pace. My favorite quote is “It was a run-by fruiting.” My favorite scene is when Daniel is playing with the dinosaur toys at the television station ... though the dinner scene where Daniel/Mrs. Doubtfire have to be in two places at once is amazing yet uncomfortable at the same time. You try to look away because you know it is going to end badly but you can’t. There are also two sweet montages in the movie where Mrs. Doubtfire is getting stuff done while “Dude Looks Like a Lady” and “Walk Like a Man” are playing.

The “man dresses up as a woman” role in movies has been around for a long time. Some Like it Hot is a classic, and then there are Tootsie (I have never seen it but I hear it is great) and Big Momma’s House, which somehow had two sequels even though the first one wasn’t that funny. I would say this is probably the best because it’s Robin Williams, quite possibly the funniest person ever. I can’t wait to get to Good Will Hunting, which is on my list ... only ten movies away!!

Next movie to review: Pulp Fiction

Drunk On The Moon

Dazed and Confused (1993)

Rating: R

Runtime: 103 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 13 million (approximately)

Characters: Randall “Pink” Floyd, Mitch Kramer, Jodi Kramer, Sabrina Davis, David Wooderson, Clint Bruno, Carl Burnett, Michelle Burroughs, Don Dawson, Cynthia Dunn, Kaye Faulkner, Hirshfelder, Tommy Houston, Simone Kerr, Darla Marks, Mike Newhouse, Fred O’Bannion, Benny O’Donnell, Tony Olson, Kevin Pickford, Julie Simms, Ron Slater, Melvin Spivey, Shavonne Wright, Nesi White

Favorite Quote: “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man; I get older, they stay the same age.”

Favorite Scene: Wooderson, Pink, and Mitch enter the Emporium

Favorite Character: Simone Kerr

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Richard Linklater: Before Sunrise ... I hear it’s good

Cars. Drugs. Music. Gilligan’s Island?? This movie is full of all of these. When the movie was released, the soundtracks (remember soundtracks?) were actually bigger than the movie. Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, Bob Dylan, Kiss, The Runaways ... and about 20 other bands/performers are all rolled (see what I did there?) up into one day in 1976. But the movie is really all about the characters. And there are a lot of them. I would say 24 people all play major roles in this film (and another that doesn’t have any lines but people are always mentioning her being in the movie ... yay Renee Zellweger!) The jocks, the popular girls, the nerds, the bullies, the stoners are all represented. In my opinion, the movie is really about the senior/freshman relationships between Pink/Mitch and Jodi/Sabrina, and Wooderson (the town creepy guy); he is out of high school but still likes the high school girls ... we will get to that later.

Ok, to the favorites. I am sure everyone will have different answers than me. “Alright, alright, alright” is a good one that some people probably say at least once a day. My girlfriend Rebecca does not like “I only came here to do two things, man; kick some ass and drink some beer ... looks like we’re almost out of beer” because it totally rips off Roddy Piper’s classic line from They Live where he is there to chew bubble gum and kick ass but is out of bubble gum. I went with the creepy Wooderson “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man; I get older, they stay the same age” quote, because it’s so creepy it’s not. Side note: I always thought Wooderson was around 25 but he might only be 20. My favorite scene is when Wooderson, Pink, and Mitch enter the Emporium. It’s like a past, present, and future of cool guys, and even though it’s only about 30 seconds long, Wooderson owns it. He’s so awesome in that moment!!

My favorite character is someone you might not expect it to be. Not Pink. Not Wooderson. Not O’Bannion. Not Slater. It’s Simone. She’s kind of the secret weapon in the movie. She has some funny lines, she is not mean to the freshman, and she seems really cool. And I used to have a crush on Joey Lauren Adams. I wish I had picked Chasing Amy to be on my list!!

Next movie to review: Mrs. Doubtfire