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Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

Rating: R

Runtime: 90 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 65 million (approximately)

Characters: Brad Hamilton, Stacy Hamilton, Linda Barrett, Mark “Rat” Ratner, Mike Damone, Jeff Spicoli, Charles Jefferson, Arnold, Mr. Hand, Mr. Vargus, Ron Johnson

Cool Stuff: Jefferson’s car (1979 Chevrolet Camaro Z28)

Cool Music: Good soundtrack but no one stand out song

Cool Quote: “Hey bud, let’s party.”

Sex ... check. Drugs ... check. Rock and roll ... check. This movie has it all. I think one of the reasons I never saw this as a teenager is because I was not into any of those things at the time. This movie also has a lot of characters, hitting all the high school cliques: nerds, cheerleaders, stoners, and jocks. It even has a teacher you would like and one you wouldn’t like. I found most of the characters unlikeable (Damone, Arnold, Ron Johnson, to name a few). Jefferson was my favorite, mostly because he didn’t say much, but Brad was probably the one I was most like in school.

There were lots of classic songs in the movie: “American Girl”, “Kashmir”. Somebody’s Baby”, and “We Got the Beat” (my second favorite ’80s song ever). But none of them really stood out as a song you could say was the definitive song from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As far as cool stuff is concerned, my friend Andy will appreciate my pointing out a car as the most awesome thing in the movie. Jefferson’s 1979 Chevrolet Camaro Z28 was the prize possession and even played a part in Ridgemont defeating Lincoln High in the big football game.

Probably the two most talked about things involving this movie are the Brad/Linda pool scene and Jeff Spicoli. Like I said before, I was not having sex or doing drugs in high school so after seeing the movie when I was in my late twenties, that scene and Spicoli didn’t really do anything for me. If I had seen it when I was 16 ... I would probably have appreciated the tasty waves and the cool buzz, if you know what I mean.

One thing I find funny about this movie is that even with all the young talent involved (Phoebe Cates, Anthony Edwards, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Sean Penn, Judge Reinhold, Eric Stoltz, and Forest Whitaker), people always bring up the fact that Nicolas Cage was in the movie for about 12 seconds.

Next movie to review: The Dark Crystal

Johnny Beeeee Goooood

E.T. (1982)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 115 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 866 million (approximately)

Characters: E.T., Elliott, Michael, Gertie, Mary, Greg, Steve, Tyler, Keys, Harvey, Science Class Girl

Cool Stuff: Reese’s Pieces, E.T.’s ship, E.T.’s flower

Cool Music: E.T. and Elliott flying theme

Cool Quote: “E.T. phone home.”

I am pretty sure this is the first VHS tape my brother Tod and I ever owned. We only had a handful by the time we got in our teens, so it’s safe to say I watched this several times as a kid. I have received mixed reviews as I have mentioned this being on my list of movies the past few months. I don’t understand the hate. E.T. is a bit scary at first but then you realize he is just as scared of you. He does all sorts of fun things throughout the movie: drink beer, dress in drag, and heal wounds.

Elliott is just a young kid trying to fit in. His dad isn’t at home, and he yells weird things like “penis breath!” But he turns out to be the hero after his science class rescue mission and he gets the girl. His brother Michael seems pretty cool and has a great trio of friends in Greg, Steve, and Tyler. His sister Gertie is a little annoying, but she’s also funny. Mary (his mom), does a great job holding the family together being a single mom and all and they have a cool dog named Harvey. There is a creepy guy named “Keys” who gets less creepy as the movie goes on.

I like candy, so Reese’s Pieces being such a big part of the movie is cool with me. E.T.’s ship appears to be a great flying machine, and the flower he keeps bringing back to life is an added treat. But the coolest thing in the movie is definitely the scene where E.T. and Elliott fly the bike in front of the moon. The music is fantastic and it is such a classic movie moment. E.T. picks up the English language pretty quickly thanks to Gertie, so his “E.T. phone home” wins cool quote, just edging out “I’ll be right here.”

I had an interesting thought watching the movie this time that somehow I never had before: I think E.T. had a plan all along to get back home, so I would say he totally Keyser Soze’d everyone by pretending to be dead to get the feds off his back.

Next movie to review: Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Whip it good

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 115 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 543 million (approximately)

Characters: Indiana Jones, Marion Ravenwood, Sallah, Dr. Rene Belloq, Major Arnold Toht

Cool Stuff: Indiana Jones’s hat and whip, Marion’s medallion, The Ark of the Covenant

Cool Music: Indiana Jones Theme

Cool Quote: “Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?”

I know, I know, another Harrison Ford movie. I made a rule to limit an actor/actress to one movie, but Harrison Ford is more of a supporting actor in The Empire Strikes Back (’80s movie #1 reviewed) and Return of the Jedi (soon to be ’80s movie #8 reviewed). Raiders of the Lost Ark has the lead actor role that he is (and should be) best known for. I make the rules, and this movie definitely does, well, rule! There are several classic scenes (the rolling boulder, the sword/gun fight scene, the giant guy/plane fight scene, the opening of the Ark/all the bad guys die scene), and of course, our hero Indiana Jones.

Indy is the tough, handsome professor that all his female students adore. Looking sharp in that hat and wielding his weapon of choice (a whip) is probably why Marion fell for him in the first place. Marion is a great companion for Dr. Jones, and can outdrink her share of men. I would say her toughest challenger would be my friend Shaunna. If I could only get those two ladies in the same room at the same time, the battle would be legendary! Sallah is a great digging partner and good friend. Dr. Rene Belloq is a jerk, and Major Arnold Thot is a creepy, creepy man.

Indy’s hat and whip are the coolest things in the movie, but Marion’s medallion and the Ark (of course) are pretty neat too. I imagine the medallion wasn’t the easiest thing to wear around your neck, but it looked really cool. The Ark was just one bad mutha that definitely needed to be put in a box and locked away. Indiana Jones’s theme music is as recognizable as any and really gets me fired up to go adventuring ... unless there be snakes around!

A fantastic movie adventure that is considered to be one of the greatest of all time. It was followed by a violent Temple of Doom, an endearing Last Crusade, and a movie who must not be named.

Next movie to review: E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

We're all gonna get laid

Caddyshack (1980)

Rating: R

Runtime: 98 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 113 million (approximately)

Characters: Ty Webb, Al Czervik, Carl Spackler, Danny Noonan, Judge Smails, Bishop Pickering, Dr. Beeper, Tony D’Annunzio, Lacey Underall, Maggie O’Hooligan, Mitch Cumstein, The Gopher

Cool Stuff: Al Czervik’s golf bag

Cool Music: “I’m Alright”

Cool Quote: “Be the ball.”

People love playing the “what if” game. For me, I think Caddyshack is on the top of my “what if I had seen this movie as a teenager” list. I, like most every other 15-year-old boy, loved sports and the possibility of seeing a woman naked. This movie is 98 minutes of golf and sex. How I avoided seeing this movie until I was in my thirties is almost unexplainable. Would I have turned out differently? Would I have liked this movie more? We will never know.

This movie has enough characters to complete a couple of foursomes on the golf course. My favorite, of course, is Carl Spackler. I love me some Bill Murray! He is a Cinderella story, gopher assassin, and looper for the Dalai Lama all wrapped up into one hilarious groundskeeper. Ty Webb and Al Czervik are the typical jerk/get-the-girl kind of guys, and Lacy Underall and Maggie O’Hooligan are the hot/get-the-guy kind of girls. Oh, and there is a gopher that wrecks the golf course and dances to Kenny Loggins.

I think the coolest thing from the movie is Al Czervik’s golf bag. I was a semi-professional caddie in my younger days, and I totally would have wanted to carry a bag that had a stereo, t.v., and phone as well as beer on tap. There were also a couple of classic scenes from the movie: the Baby Ruth in the pool scene is a great prank to emulate, and the playing a round of golf in a thunderstorm scene (good idea on paper) is probably not something you would actually want to do for real.

One thing I found disturbing about the movie: Ty drugging Lacy’s drink (he didn’t have to, she was all over him)! I should discuss this topic (and others) with my buddy Tom. He is such a huge fan of the film; he even wrote out the script word by word to help him memorize it. Tom is the Mitch Cumstein of his time!

Next movie to review: Raiders of the Lost Ark

Sweet Home Chicago

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Rating: R

Runtime: 148 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 162 million (approximately)

Characters: Jake Blues, Elwood Blues, The Blues Brothers Band (The Colonel, Duck, Murph, Too Big, Bones, Blue Lou, Guitar, Mr. Fabulous), Reverend Cleophus James, Curtis, Ray, Mrs. Murphy, The Penguin, Mystery Woman

Cool Stuff: Black Suit/Tie/Hat/Sunglasses, Bluesmobile, Car Chases

Cool Music: “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love”

Cool Quote: “We’re on a mission from God.”

Before Da Bears and Da Bulls, there was Da Blues ... Brothers. This movie has so many characters/cameos, I don’t even have time to write about John Candy, Chaka Kahn, or Paul Reubens. What I do have time to say is that brothers Jake and Elwood do a hilarious job at getting the band back together, and along the way they have a crazy adventure and do lots of singing and dancing. Oh, and don’t let me forget, this movie also has lots of uses of the f-word and the s-word ... and car chases and car crashes.

I was only four when this movie came out and I don’t remember much from that time. I can only guess that, when Halloween rolled around, every guy from the ages of 16 to 25 probably went dressed in a black suit, drove a “Bluesmobile”, and said things like “It’s _____ miles to _____, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.” And they all probably thought it was easy to meet girls that looked like Twiggy and that you could convince them to hang out with you even if you charged them $94.00 at the gas pump.

When you have music legends like James Brown, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, and John Lee Hooker in your movie, you can pretty much expect an awesome soundtrack. You can’t go wrong with a little “Minnie the Moocher”, but of course “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” is the signature song. You would think that with all the music, swear words, and car chases, you would have everything you need; and then the movie sprinkles in Nazis ... and Carrie Fisher!

Once this movie gets rolling, it is tough to stop. It’s almost as if it is on a mission or something ...

Next movie to review: Caddyshack