Whip it good

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 115 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 543 million (approximately)

Characters: Indiana Jones, Marion Ravenwood, Sallah, Dr. Rene Belloq, Major Arnold Toht

Cool Stuff: Indiana Jones’s hat and whip, Marion’s medallion, The Ark of the Covenant

Cool Music: Indiana Jones Theme

Cool Quote: “Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?”

I know, I know, another Harrison Ford movie. I made a rule to limit an actor/actress to one movie, but Harrison Ford is more of a supporting actor in The Empire Strikes Back (’80s movie #1 reviewed) and Return of the Jedi (soon to be ’80s movie #8 reviewed). Raiders of the Lost Ark has the lead actor role that he is (and should be) best known for. I make the rules, and this movie definitely does, well, rule! There are several classic scenes (the rolling boulder, the sword/gun fight scene, the giant guy/plane fight scene, the opening of the Ark/all the bad guys die scene), and of course, our hero Indiana Jones.

Indy is the tough, handsome professor that all his female students adore. Looking sharp in that hat and wielding his weapon of choice (a whip) is probably why Marion fell for him in the first place. Marion is a great companion for Dr. Jones, and can outdrink her share of men. I would say her toughest challenger would be my friend Shaunna. If I could only get those two ladies in the same room at the same time, the battle would be legendary! Sallah is a great digging partner and good friend. Dr. Rene Belloq is a jerk, and Major Arnold Thot is a creepy, creepy man.

Indy’s hat and whip are the coolest things in the movie, but Marion’s medallion and the Ark (of course) are pretty neat too. I imagine the medallion wasn’t the easiest thing to wear around your neck, but it looked really cool. The Ark was just one bad mutha that definitely needed to be put in a box and locked away. Indiana Jones’s theme music is as recognizable as any and really gets me fired up to go adventuring ... unless there be snakes around!

A fantastic movie adventure that is considered to be one of the greatest of all time. It was followed by a violent Temple of Doom, an endearing Last Crusade, and a movie who must not be named.

Next movie to review: E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

We're all gonna get laid

Caddyshack (1980)

Rating: R

Runtime: 98 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 113 million (approximately)

Characters: Ty Webb, Al Czervik, Carl Spackler, Danny Noonan, Judge Smails, Bishop Pickering, Dr. Beeper, Tony D’Annunzio, Lacey Underall, Maggie O’Hooligan, Mitch Cumstein, The Gopher

Cool Stuff: Al Czervik’s golf bag

Cool Music: “I’m Alright”

Cool Quote: “Be the ball.”

People love playing the “what if” game. For me, I think Caddyshack is on the top of my “what if I had seen this movie as a teenager” list. I, like most every other 15-year-old boy, loved sports and the possibility of seeing a woman naked. This movie is 98 minutes of golf and sex. How I avoided seeing this movie until I was in my thirties is almost unexplainable. Would I have turned out differently? Would I have liked this movie more? We will never know.

This movie has enough characters to complete a couple of foursomes on the golf course. My favorite, of course, is Carl Spackler. I love me some Bill Murray! He is a Cinderella story, gopher assassin, and looper for the Dalai Lama all wrapped up into one hilarious groundskeeper. Ty Webb and Al Czervik are the typical jerk/get-the-girl kind of guys, and Lacy Underall and Maggie O’Hooligan are the hot/get-the-guy kind of girls. Oh, and there is a gopher that wrecks the golf course and dances to Kenny Loggins.

I think the coolest thing from the movie is Al Czervik’s golf bag. I was a semi-professional caddie in my younger days, and I totally would have wanted to carry a bag that had a stereo, t.v., and phone as well as beer on tap. There were also a couple of classic scenes from the movie: the Baby Ruth in the pool scene is a great prank to emulate, and the playing a round of golf in a thunderstorm scene (good idea on paper) is probably not something you would actually want to do for real.

One thing I found disturbing about the movie: Ty drugging Lacy’s drink (he didn’t have to, she was all over him)! I should discuss this topic (and others) with my buddy Tom. He is such a huge fan of the film; he even wrote out the script word by word to help him memorize it. Tom is the Mitch Cumstein of his time!

Next movie to review: Raiders of the Lost Ark

Sweet Home Chicago

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Rating: R

Runtime: 148 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 162 million (approximately)

Characters: Jake Blues, Elwood Blues, The Blues Brothers Band (The Colonel, Duck, Murph, Too Big, Bones, Blue Lou, Guitar, Mr. Fabulous), Reverend Cleophus James, Curtis, Ray, Mrs. Murphy, The Penguin, Mystery Woman

Cool Stuff: Black Suit/Tie/Hat/Sunglasses, Bluesmobile, Car Chases

Cool Music: “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love”

Cool Quote: “We’re on a mission from God.”

Before Da Bears and Da Bulls, there was Da Blues ... Brothers. This movie has so many characters/cameos, I don’t even have time to write about John Candy, Chaka Kahn, or Paul Reubens. What I do have time to say is that brothers Jake and Elwood do a hilarious job at getting the band back together, and along the way they have a crazy adventure and do lots of singing and dancing. Oh, and don’t let me forget, this movie also has lots of uses of the f-word and the s-word ... and car chases and car crashes.

I was only four when this movie came out and I don’t remember much from that time. I can only guess that, when Halloween rolled around, every guy from the ages of 16 to 25 probably went dressed in a black suit, drove a “Bluesmobile”, and said things like “It’s _____ miles to _____, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.” And they all probably thought it was easy to meet girls that looked like Twiggy and that you could convince them to hang out with you even if you charged them $94.00 at the gas pump.

When you have music legends like James Brown, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, and John Lee Hooker in your movie, you can pretty much expect an awesome soundtrack. You can’t go wrong with a little “Minnie the Moocher”, but of course “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” is the signature song. You would think that with all the music, swear words, and car chases, you would have everything you need; and then the movie sprinkles in Nazis ... and Carrie Fisher!

Once this movie gets rolling, it is tough to stop. It’s almost as if it is on a mission or something ...

Next movie to review: Caddyshack

Dad-Dad-Daddy-Nooooo!!!

The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 124 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 593 million (approximately)

Characters: Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO, R2-D2, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Lando Calrissian, Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Emperor Palpatine

Cool Stuff: AT-AT Walkers, Carbonite, Lightsabers, Millennium Falcon

Cool Music: Opening Theme, Darth Vader’s Theme

Cool Quote: “I am your father.”

So ... what makes a great eighties movie? I had a hard time answering that question. But I think I narrowed it down to the essential qualities: cool characters, cool stuff, cool music, cool quote ... and something that you could probably qualify as an “it” factor: its importance to the eighties. So here is my first review.

I have to admit, I cheated and watched Star Wars before I watched The Empire Strikes Back. I wanted to get a good idea of the trilogy because I would be reviewing both The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi in this year’s tournament. Star Wars is probably my favorite, so I am glad that I don’t have to choose it against the other two in my bracket this year.

Ok, now that all that is said ... to the review. Empire (I am going to call it that to save time) is pretty awesome. The whole gang is back from the first movie ... mostly. The stormtroopers are not in it as much (sorry, Garth). Grand Moff Tarkin and the Death Star didn’t make the sequel either, but we got some cool new characters and weapons. Yoda is my favorite and Lando Calrissian is pretty smooth. Boba Fett and Emperor Palpatine fill in nicely for the losses from Star Wars, and the AT-AT Walkers are fantastic. Oh, and we are introduced to carbonite!

We are all familiar with the opening theme to the movie, and every time Darth Vader enters a room he has his own music. Both songs are still cool today. Han Solo and Yoda both have many, many quotable lines, but when Darth Vader cuts of Luke’s hand and reveals his deep dark secret, his line steals the movie ... and leads to possibly one of the greatest, if not the greatest, movie twists of all time!

So yeah, a great way to kick off the eighties reviews and I look forward to Jedi and seeing how the two compare through Salty’s eyes ...

Next movie to review: The Blues Brothers

The Essential Eighties

Salty Chewbacca is back!

When it comes to movies, trilogies are always the best. After a successful first tournament in 2013, in which Hoosiers defeated Teen Wolf to claim greatest basketball movie of all time, and an even more successful second tournament in 2014 where The Little Mermaid defeated Beauty and the Beast to earn greatest Disney Movie of all time ... my third tournament is here to decide which is the greatest eighties movie of all time.*

Well ... more like 2^nd greatest eighties movie of all time. In my opinion, Back to the Future is the greatest eighties movie ever; it’s probably one of the best movies ever. So when deciding which 32 movies I was going to watch and review to determine a champion, I decided to leave Back to the Future out. I would have a hard time being fair to the other 31 movies, and everyone would have known I would choose it as the tournament favorite.

As you read my reviews you may think I have left some of your favorites out. It was really hard to narrow the list down to 32. I decided to leave the most critically acclaimed movies of the decade out because I feel like you could do a bracket just including those; so no Do the Right Thing, Platoon, Raging Bull.... I also decided to keep it light and not scary, to make it family friendly; so no Dead Poets Society, Stand By Me, Big ...

So then the list got a little smaller. I then figured I would try to limit one movie per huge actor/actress. Harrison Ford and Eddie Murphy could have had several movies each, so I tried to pick the one that represented them best. So no Blade Runner or Coming to America. I also left out some of my girlfriend Rebecca’s favorites so I would not be tempted to advance those movies in the bracket to make her happy. So no Big Trouble in Little China, The Thing, or The Last Unicorn.

After that the list was easy to make. Oh, and I decided not to include Hoosiers or The Little Mermaid, even though they are both deserving; they both already had their one shining moment in past blogs/tournaments. I feel like it is a well-rounded list, including movies from all different genres.... Except I realized after making my final cuts, I had no John Cusack movie! But don’t be sad ... next year may be an all John Cusack blog/tournament!!!!!

So let the reviews begin, and let the excitement build to what I hope is the best Salty Chewbacca Tournament Challenge ever!