A Salty Chewbacca Holiday

Some of you may know this, some of you may not: Salty Chewbacca worked at a movie theater for about seven years, and a video store for about ten more. So I have seen many holiday movies, and I have seen what other people are watching. There are good ones, and there are bad ones. I figure it is time for Salty Chewbacca to make a top 50 list . . . because that is what I do. I apologize in advance if your favorite did not make the cut. Feel free to tell me I am wrong for not including it, but be prepared to have to argue a movie off the list in order for it to take its place. I believe I have been fair to include a variety of movies, not just one particular genre. Because everyone feels differently about Christmas (or whatever you may celebrate).

Family

A Christmas Story (1983)

Prancer (1989)

Home Alone (1990)

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

The Santa Clause (1994)

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Elf (2003)

The Polar Express (2004)

A Christmas Carol (2009)

Arthur Christmas (2011)

Rise of the Guardians (2012)

Classics

Holiday Inn (1942)

It's A Wonderful Life (1946)

The Bishop's Wife (1947)

Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

White Christmas (1954)

Holiday Favorites

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)

Frozen (2013)

Comedy

Gremlins (1984)

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)

Scrooged (1988)

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

Bad Santa (2003)

Romantic Comedy

While You Were Sleeping (1995)

The Preacher's Wife (1996)

The Family Man (2000)

Serendipity (2001)

Love Actually (2003)

The Holiday (2006)

Drama

Little Women (1994)

Joyeux Noel (2005)

The Nativity Story (2006)

Action

Lethal Weapon (1987)

Die Hard (1988)

Batman Returns (1992)

Family Holiday Sequels

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

Holiday Specials

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

Frosty the Snowman (1969)

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (1970)

A Christmas Carol (1971)

Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey (1977)

The Small One (1978)

The Snowman (1982)

Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983)

Blind Love

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

Rating: PG-13

Runtime: 155 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 288 million (approximately)

Characters: Robin of Locksley (Robin Hood), Sheriff George of Nottingham, Azeem, Marian Dubois, Will Scarlett, Little John, Duncan, Friar Tuck, Mortianna, Guy of Gisborne, Bishop of Hereford, King Richard

Favorite Quote: “Fuck me, he cleared it!”

Favorite Scene: Robin of Locksley and Little John duel at the falls

Favorite Character: Azeem

Other need-to-see nineties movies directed by Kevin Reynolds: none . . . he directed Waterworld!!

I remember watching this movie a lot when I was younger. This time around I watched the extended version (about 12 minutes longer than the theatrical). We will get to that later. First let’s begin with the film score: it’s amazing. I would recognize it whenever/wherever I heard it. And while we are on the topic of amazing things, “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You” is pop music cheese at its finest. The movie is full of characters to love (and hate). Robin (our hero) is good with the bow and arrow (of course), Marian is our lovely damsel in distress, Sheriff of Nottingham is played brilliantly by Alan Rickman, and Will Scarlett is, well, he’s Christian Slater. My favorite character is Azeem because, well, he’s Morgan Freeman.

When trying to decide on my favorite scene, I had many to choose from. Side note: when I asked my girlfriend, Rebecca, what her favorite scene from the movie was, she said, “Whenever Christian Slater was on screen.” For me, I narrowed it down to the training montage, the slow motion/flaming arrow scene, and the battle between Robin and Little John. I decided to go with the duel at the falls, because that is where we discover Robin of Locksley has “balls of solid rock.” I bet you are surprised I didn’t go with the scene where Marian stumbles upon Robin bathing under the waterfall. . . . I am pretty sure everyone loved that the first time they saw it.

I was going to choose an inspirational quote (“Nobility is not one’s birthright. It’s defined by one’s actions.”), but Salty went with the classic “Fuck me, he cleared it!” because it made no sense being in the film and it is pretty funny. Oh, back to the extended version. It is poorly edited and way too long. I recommend sticking with the theatrical version. The extra scenes add nothing of importance, or don’t make sense. And it just makes you wait 12 minutes longer to get to the sweet voice of Bryan Adams.

Next movie to review: Terminator 2: Judgement Day