Ghost with the most

Beetlejuice (1988)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 92 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 145 million (approximately)

Characters: Betelgeuse, Adam Maitland, Barbara Maitland, Lydia Deetz, Charles Deetz, Delia Deetz, Otho, Juno, Maxie Dean, Sarah Dean, Bernard, Grace, Beryl, Jane Butterfield, Sandworms

Cool Stuff: Handbook for the Recently Deceased

Cool Music: “Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)”

Cool Quote: “Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.”

This movie is a Goth kid’s dream. While watching it, my girlfriend and I wondered if Tim Burton invented Goth ... but then we remembered that Robert Smith did. This movie is also the first major role for Winona Ryder. Rumor has it I am a big fan. She plays Lydia, the picture-taking, ghost-seeing, daughter of Charles and (step-mother) Delia Deetz. Oh, the ghosts she sees are Adam and Barbara Maitland, a sweet married couple who recently drove off a bridge and died. The star of the movie is, of course, Betelgeuse. A foul-mouthed, bio-exorcist who scares away the living. Speaking of scary, there are also sandworms to deal with!

The coolest thing in the move (other than Winona Ryder), is the Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It is a book that holds all the answers, yet the Maitland’s have a difficult time understanding it. You could say it is the Infinite Jest of its time. Harry Belafonte sings the cool song from the movie, “Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)”, which is played during probably the most memorable scene of the movie when everyone is dancing around the dinner table. He also sings another song: “Jump in the Line (Shake, Senora)” during another memorable scene with Lydia.

My pick for the coolest quote is “Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice,” because if/when you say it, craziness ensues. I could have gone with “Nice fucking model!” but Salty likes to keep things clean around here. Oh, and since we are on the subject of keeping it clean, I have no idea how this movie got a PG rating. Unless you want to be explaining things to your kids for 92 minutes, I would wait to share this movie with them until they are at least thirteen.

I almost had three Tim Burton movies in the final 32 for my ’80s blog/tournament (Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, Beetlejuice, and Batman), but I decided that was too many. Batman had to be in, and I figured I would never do a Winona Ryder movie blog/tournament, so I had to include Beetlejuice as well.

Next movie to review: Who Framed Roger Rabbit

As you wish

The Princess Bride (1987)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 98 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 63 million (approximately)

Characters: Westley, Buttercup, Inigo Montoya, Fezzik, Vizzini, Prince Humperdinck, Count Tyrone Rugen, The Albino, The Impressive Clergyman, Miracle Max, Valerie, Dread Pirate Roberts, Grandfather, Grandson

Cool Stuff: True love

Cool Music: “Storybook Love”

Cool Quote: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

I hate to admit it, but the first time I saw this movie I didn’t like it. I was 11, and I was sitting on the floor of a sold-out movie theater. I didn’t get the jokes, and the only person I knew from the movie was Andre the Giant. But now, I recognize its brilliance. It’s probably one of, if not the most quoted movie of all time, and there are enough characters for everyone to love: Westley (the handsome hero), Buttercup (the beautiful Princess), Inigo (the brokenhearted fighter), Fezzik (the gentle giant), Vizzini (the hilarious villain), and Grandson (the Fred Savage).

When you take away all the obstacles Westley has to overcome (the Dread Pirate Roberts, shrieking eels, cliffs of insanity, speed, strength, smarts, iocane powder, fire swamp, lightning sand, rodents of unusual size, pit of despair, and machine) you are left with the coolest thing from the movie: true love. Speaking of true love, the cool song from the movie is “Storybook Love”. It is a beautiful ballad that plays at the end of the movie during a montage. And everyone knows that montages are awesome.

As I said before, this movie is probably the most quoted of all time ... which made for a difficult choice for coolest quote. Well, not really. “Anybody want a peanut?”, “Inconceivable!”, and “Have fun storming the castle!” are all worthy contenders, but “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” is the clear winner. At least I think so. But everyone else will probably disagree.

I wish I could go back in time and tell 11-year-old Jeff, “Hey buddy, you should like this movie more. Seriously. You will be cooler if you do.” But I can’t. So I will just have to convince people now to like it. Which most people do anyway. I hope. Because this is not just a kissing movie, it’s adventure ... and comedy. And it has Andre the Giant ... and Fred Savage.

Next movie to review: Beetlejuice

I love Uranus

Spaceballs (1987)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 96 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 78 million (approximately)

Characters: Captain Lone Star, Barfolomew, Princess Vespa, Dot Matrix, Lord Dark Helmet, Colonel Sandurz, President Skroob, Pizza the Hut, Yogurt

Cool Stuff: Eagle 5

Cool Music: “Spaceballs”

Cool Quote: “May the Schwartz be with you.”

This movie is full of puns, which is what I spend most of my day trying to come up with ... so of course I laughed a lot. It is also full of language and innuendo, which I try to stay away from in my puns ... so this movie (although rated PG) is probably not for kids. I wonder how other Star Wars fans feel about this movie (it being a parody and all). I think the characters in this are great; Lone Star, Barfolomew, Princess Vespa, Dot Matrix, Dark Helmet, and Yogurt are all funny.... Pizza the Hut is pretty gross, but possibly delicious. The opening to the movie has the Star Wars crawl and a ridiculously big ship called Spaceball 1 doing the flyby.

Lone Star’s ship: the Eagle 5 is the Millennium Falcon of its time, and by that I mean it’s a Winnebago with wings. It’s pretty cool and allows plenty of room for dancing to any of Bon Jovi’s greatest hits. Speaking of great hits, the song “Spaceballs” is fun. It’s no “NeverEnding Story” or “Ghostbusters”, but I would put it on a CD and breakdance to it. Like I said before, there are a lot of great puns in the movie, so coming up with coolest quote took some time. I had to sort through classic lines like “Your helmet is so big” and “I bet she gives great helmet” and “I see your Schwartz is as big as mine”. I’ll skip the naughty and go with the classic “May the Schwartz be with you.”

It seems strange that I have only seen one other Mel Brooks movie (the other being Robin Hood: Men in Tights); I should—and probably will someday—see Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein. But it isn’t so weird because there are a lot of movies I haven’t seen that I probably should have at this point in my life: The Godfather, The Godfather II, and Smokey and the Bandit. But since none of those movies came out in the eighties, Salty Chewbacca won’t be watching any of those for a while.

Next movie to review: The Princess Bride

Meet the Murtaughs

Lethal Weapon (1987)

Rating: R

Runtime: 117 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 134 million (approximately)

Characters: Roger Murtaugh, Martin Riggs, Trish Murtaugh, Rianne Murtaugh, Nick Murtaugh, Carrie Murtaugh, General Peter McAllister, Joshua, Michael Hunsaker, Endo, Burbank the cat, Sam the dog

Cool Stuff: Party Nogg

Cool Music: “Lethal Weapon”

Cool Quote: “I’m too old for this shit.”

This is the last of the “I have not seen this yet” on my list of ’80s movies for my blog. I had seen Lethal Weapon 4 (when it came out in the theater in 1998), but I don’t remember anything about it. I am sure that if I had seen this movie when I was 11 or 12, I would have remembered that the movie is set during late December and the opening scene involves breasts and cocaine.... Merry Christmas! We are then introduced to the classic buddy cop duo of Murtaugh (the family man) and Riggs (the loose cannon). Sprinkled throughout the rest of the film are some bad guys (General Peter McAllister, Joshua, and Endo), a man I can relate to (Hunsaker), Burbank (the cat), and Sam (the dog).

So back to Hansaker ... his love of Party Nogg is the coolest thing from the movie:

Who wouldn’t want to party with this guy? He has six cartons lined up and ready to go! Unfortunately, it will be the death of him. There are several scenes that have some saxy music playing, but the musical gem is a song from the band Honeymoon Suite called “Lethal Weapon”. You might remember Honeymoon Suite and their amazing hit from 1986 called “What Does It Take”. And by you I mean me.... I loved that song! The cool quote from the movie is “I’m too old for the shit,” said by Murtaugh throughout this film and all of the sequels. After only having one bad language “cool quote” through the first 19 movies, two of the last three have contained profanity. Salty says sorry to all my followers who have kids.

This movie is probably the first buddy cop movie ever and definitely one of the more popular ones even today. I don’t know if I can come up with a list of my favorites, but I am pretty sure National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1 would be somewhere in the top ten. Samuel L. Jackson and William Shatner in the same movie ... it really can’t get any better than that.

Next movie to review: Spaceballs