BASEketball
(1998)
Rated:
R
Runtime:
103 minutes
Stars:
Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Ernest Borgnine, Robert Vaughn, Dian Bachar, Yasmine
Bleeth, Jenny McCarthy
Director:
David Zucker
Plot:
Joe Cooper (Trey Parker) and Doug Remer (Matt Stone) have been friends since
they were kids. As adults, they invent the games of “BASEketball” (basketball
with baseball rules) and become teammates on the Milwaukee Beers team. Ted
Denslow (Ernest Borgnine) is a billionaire, commissioner of the National
BASEketball League, and owner of the Milwaukee Beers, and he thinks Dan
Fogelberg, Zima, hula hoops, and Pac-Man are cool. Baxter Cain (Robert Vaughn)
is the owner of the Dallas Felons and wants to make changes to the league that
go against everything that makes it special. Squeak Scolari (Dian Bachar) is a
member of the Milwaukee Beers and is a little bitch. Jenna Reed (Yasmine
Bleeth) is the director of the Dream Come True Foundation and the girl Coop and
Remer fight over. Yvette Denslow (Jenny McCarthy) is/was married to Ted and
just wants his money. Teams from the NBL compete for the Denslow Cup. Craziness
ensues …
Rating—out of 5 baseketballs: 2 ½ baseketballs.
½ for half-recommending the movie, 1 for DVDA, and 1 for my love of “… if you
know what I mean” jokes.
Tournament
seed: 5–9—movie is favored to win its first game in the tournament and has a
good chance to win a second game. But depending on the team it is matched up
against, could be an early upset. Be sure to do your research before choosing.
I
am sure this movie is either really funny/unfunny and nothing in between with
viewers … except with me. I found myself laughing a lot inside, but not a lot
outside. I liked the team names: Dallas Felons, Detroit Lemons, Los Angeles
Riots, Miami Dealers, Milwaukee Beers, New Jersey Informants, Roswell Aliens,
San Antonio Defenders, and San Francisco Ferries. I also liked the “… if you
know what I mean” jokes, but most of the other jokes were not really funny. You
can only say “dude” so many times before it gets annoying, and “drunk Christian
Slater and Robert Downey Jr.” references were probably funny in 1998 … but not
anymore. I was never a fan of Reel Big Fish so their appearance in the movie
was no big deal, but it is always nice to hear a song called “Warts on Your
Dick” by the band DVDA.* The movie is your basic basketball story; owner dies
after choking on a hot dog; sick kid gets massages, does some shots, and then
watches some Jerry Springer; best friends Coop and Remer break up and one sells
out while the other disappears (not even Robert Stack and the Unsolved Mysteries gang can find him); but
then Coop and Remer kiss and make up. Yes, they actually kiss. Their make-up
comes just in time, because the Beers trail the Felons in the Denslow Cup final
16-0. Cue the “Beers coming back” montage and the Beers trail 16-14 in the
bottom of the 9th. Coop gets his chance to be the hero with two
runners on and one out, and he converts the 3-run homerun to win the Denslow
Cup.
Sure
there is a 50/50 basketball/baseball split, but it’s still a basketball movie.
I also learned a lot of useful life lessons: first you have to get a job, then
some khaki’s, then you will get the girl … and then if things are going slow
with the girl, go home and do some pushups and fuck the sleeve of your favorite
jacket. A bunch of sportscasters had several funny lines/scenes, but Bob Costas
won the MVP award with this classic:
Bob
Costas: You’re excited? Feel these nipples!”
*If
you want to know how the band got its name, I recommend looking it up.
This is one of those movies that grows on you with repeat viewings. I think that if you watch it a couple of more times, it might eventually work its way up to 3-3.5 stars. I actually saw this in theaters, and there was an audible groan when Coop adn Reamer made out.
ReplyDeleteI think with the right crowd this movie would be a huge hit...
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