Smelter pride

Rebound (2005)

Rated: PG

Runtime: 103 minutes

Stars: Martin Lawrence, Horatio Sanz, Breckin Meyer, Megan Mullally, Patrick Warburton

Director: Steve Carr

Plot: Roy McCormick (Martin Lawrence) was a successful coach at Ohio Polytech University, but now he is all about endorsements and getting technical fouls. He gets banned from coaching in college after killing the other team’s bird mascot. After getting no offers, he gets a job coaching the Mount Vernon Smelters at his old junior high.

Rating—out of 5 basketballs: 1 basketball for its ability to be not good but not bad at the same time.

Tournament Seed: 13–15—movie hangs around with higher seed for the 1^st half, but the 2^nd half results in a blowout. Only advances in the tournament if matched up with an overrated team. Pick with caution.

This is an interesting movie. It is not funny. Its one big attempt at comedy (Martin Lawrence playing Preacher Don in a pregame pep talk to the kids) completely fails. The other adult characters are very boring; Horatio Sanz plays a nerdy home-economics teacher, Breckin Meyer a greedy agent, Megan Mullally an uncaring school principal, and Patrick Warburton an over-obsessive rival coach. The kids on the team cover all the stereotypical groups of kids in school: the jock, the prep, the clown, the geek, the fat kid, the bully, and the nerd. The music in the movie is just there for the sake of music; good tunes such as “Sweet Georgia Brown”, “Brick House”, “Eye of the Tiger”, “Hey Ya”, “Jump Around” “Sledgehammer”, “Unbelievable”, and “What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock)” are used poorly in scenes. After Coach Roy begins to teach life lessons on/off the court, the team goes on a crazy winning streak all the way to the state finals, yet he almost gives up this job to get his old college job back. Oh, and the team wins (sort of). I was confused how Ralph was able to hit the game-winning free throws even though the ref was staring right at him as he stepped over the line on both shots. The team then becomes super cool and Coach becomes the new guidance counselor. So there is nothing too positive to say about this movie, but nothing too negative either. I walk away with nothing lost/nothing gained.

I did laugh at one scene involving Horatio Sanz (I have always found him funny). Coach Roy wants the “cool, pretty” girls to hang out in the gym so the team will play better; so he promises them pizza every day. Horatio’s character (the home-economics teacher) uses his culinary skills, and then delivers this great line:

Mr. Newirth: “There’s chicken parm in the crust ladies, so put your feedbags on.”

This movie is un-coolio

Eddie (1996)

Rated: PG-13

Runtime: 100 minutes

Stars: Whoopi Goldberg, Frank Langella, Richard Jenkins

Director: Steve Rash

Plot: Eddie Franklin (Whoopi Goldberg) is a limousine driver in New York, and a huge Knicks fan. Wild Bill Burgess (Frank Langella) is the new owner of the Knicks, and all he cares about is making money. Carl Zimmer (Richard Jenkins) is the soft-spoken assistant coach of the Knicks who keeps getting passed over for head coaching positions. The Knicks suck and all their players have off/on the court issues. Eddie wins a halftime contest and becomes honorary coach for the 2^nd half of a game. After the Knicks’ head coach resigns, Eddie becomes the full-time coach.

Rating—out if 5 basketballs: 0

Tournament seed: 16—movie makes the tournament only because it is an automatic qualifier. Has no chance of advancing. Avoid picking for any reason.

This is an all around bad movie. The basketball scenes are terrible, even though several at the time current NBA stars are used. They probably didn’t want to get hurt during filming, so they all play half speed and no defense. There are only three attempts to be funny in the movie and they all fail miserably: Ivan the Russian center for the Knicks keeps saying “Ivan make basket”; Eddie makes a bad joke about a player having a small penis in the locker room showers; and after receiving a technical foul during the game, Eddie grabs a referee’s toupee and throws it into the crowd where it is amazingly caught by Fabio. The Knicks start playing better after the star player is benched in favor of an aging bench player, but the star player turns things around after he is yelled at by his mom, which is good because he is called upon to save the team after the old veteran is hurt in the last game. Even though all looks good for the Knicks, Wild Bill has been planning to sell the team and move them to St. Louis. Eddie takes a stand, says “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!”, then stages a sit-in protest at the end of the game with a one point lead after a beautifully called play by Zimmer the assistant coach. Wild Bill decides to keep the team in New York, Ivan decides to “Ivan take charge!”, and the Knicks win the game.

One of the least funny comedies I have ever seen. Oh and I forgot to mention the music/score that made the movie flow like . . . I don’t know how to finish this sentence; Coolio’s “It’s All The Way Live (Now)” plays three separate times throughout the movie, and that is it for music. If you want to own the soundtrack, it will only contain that one song. Whoopi lied to me at the beginning of this movie when she said:

Eddie: “It just doesn’t get any better than this.”

Um, yes it does. It is when the movie ends and I can take it out of my DVD player . . .

Strangers on a train

Before Sunrise (1995)

Rated: R

Runtime: 105 minutes

Stars: Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy

Director: Richard Linklater

Plot: Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy) are two strangers who meet on a train that is headed to Vienna. Jesse is on his way to the airport to fly back to the United States after a “trip”, and Celine is on her way back to Paris after visiting her grandmother. Two people talking the entire movie … that’s it.

Rating—out of 5 basketballs: 5

Tournament Seed: 1—one of the top 4 teams in the tournament. Has played at a high level all season and is deserving of its “easier” path to the final 4. Most people pick 1-seeds to advance far into the tournament and are most likely to win the championship.

I know this isn’t a basketball movie, but with it being June 16^th and all, I couldn’t resist reviewing my favorite movie, which just happens to take place in one night on June 16^th (don’t be surprised if you see an October 26^th review of Back to the Future … it’s gonna happen). I am hoping for a Criterion release of this movie; there are so many special features they could have, the current DVD release only has the movie trailer. Also, the cover of the movie is boring, the movie poster captures a more magical feeling that the movie evokes.

Where do I start with my favorite movie of all time? I could give you the short review: “Meet a French girl on the train, fuck her, and never see her again,” but I don’t think that would do it justice. It begins innocently enough when a woman moves into a seat across from a man on a train. He convinces her after a short while to get off the train with him and walk around Vienna all night before his flight leaves in the morning. For the next hour and forty-five minutes topics such as couples, childhood, fears, reincarnation, parents, relationships, technology, and differences between men and women are discussed in various locations such as a train, a bridge, a tram, a cemetery, a ferris wheel, a church, a bar, a restaurant, an empty park, or just the streets of Vienna. My feeling is that the first impressions the two have of each other are not very great. Celine thinks Jesse is a dumb American, and Jesse fakes being interested in what Celine has to say because he is bored and just wants to talk more about himself and sound intelligent. But the beauty of the movie is that the more they find out about each other, the more they like about the other, and one minute you think Jesse is more in love with Celine and the next minute it is Celine who is more in love with Jesse.

I think the moment where we first see Celine change is when Jesse tells a story about rainbows and his great-grandmother’s ghost. Jesse’s change, I think, happens when Celine tells a story about a 13-year-old girl buried in the cemetery that is known as the final resting place of suicides who jumped in the river and are never identified. But there are so many scenes of awkwardness that it is hard to know what they are feeling. After meeting two men on a bridge, Jesse and Celine plan to attend a play about a cow, but they soon forget this plan after sharing their first kiss in a ferris wheel during a beautiful sunset. There are very few encounters with other people, but they do have their palms read and find out they have different opinions on fate. They have a bit of a fight over it, but decide that conflict isn’t so bad, but only after Celine calls Jesse a “rooster prick”. We also discover that Celine is more of a romantic when a poet by the water writes a poem containing the word “milkshake” (a word decided on by Jesse and Celine), which results in her loving it, but Jesse believing that the poem was already constructed and the poet just plugged the word in. After sharing a story about her grandmother, Celine tells Jesse that she often feels like a very old woman. Jesse reveals that he feels like a very young boy; which might explain the next scene where Celine catches Jesse checking out another girl while walking into a bar.

Finally, while playing pinball and drinking beer, the question “Are you dating anyone?” is finally asked. Celine has recently become single after the guy she was dating said “she loved him too much”. When it’s Jesse’s turn to answer, he tries to change that subject … and then he says, “big confession”. It turns out that Jesse’s “trip” was to visit his girlfriend, who is now his ex-girlfriend. They broke up after realizing that her studying in Europe had caused her to not want him around anymore. Yay! We can finally relax; we now know they are not cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend. They play a funny game of pretend phone calls to their friends explaining where they are. Celine points out Jesse’s assets and faults, Jesse describes Celine as a Botticelli angel, and they both realize they haven’t talked about seeing each other again after tonight. They try to make up reasons why they will not see each other again and decide that “tonight is our only night” and they shall say their goodbyes now to take the awkwardness out of the rest of the evening.

They quickly make a plan to steal some wine glasses and buy some red wine. Jesse convinces a bartender to give him a bottle of wine and he will send him the money later, while Celine gathers up two glasses and puts them in her bag. They lie in a park drinking the wine and Jesse tries to steer the conversation towards them having sex. Celine just wants to be kissed, though she wants to have sex but doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Things then get a little handsy, the camera pans to an empty bottle of wine, and … cut. No!

It is now morning time and Jesse and Celine dance to a harpsichord and Jesse takes a mental picture of Celine to “never forget you or all of this”. It is quickly becoming the end of their time together. As they get to the train station, it is a frantic rush to say goodbye and get on the train, but neither knows what to say. Finally they realize they do want to see each other again! They will not call or write each other, but they decide to meet in six months from now, June 16^th, on track 9, 6:00 at night, December 16^th. They kiss, Celine gets on the train and Jesse walks away. The movie ends as Jesse and Celine are shown on separate trains; obviously retracing the steps of everything that happened that night. Jesse smiles, Celine smiles, and the camera fades into the credits.

I have seen this movie at different stages of my life and every time it has affected me in different ways. Of course the obvious question is do they meet again? I think after the first time I saw it I wanted to know, but then as time went by, I was ok with not knowing. It adds a bit of mystery to the movie that most movies don’t have. When I saw a trailer for a sequel almost 9 years later I could barely contain myself. I was finally going to get an answer. I felt bad at first for the people who hadn’t seen the first one and now knew that they would meet again. But then I realized that even if you are aware that there is a sequel, there is still the beauty of not knowing how/when the circumstances lead to them seeing each other again. Some say a sequel was not needed but I think a quote from Celine sums it up best:

Celine: “Isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”

…more!

There are 2 scenes in the movie that I love to talk about. One is about 16:30 into the film. It is a shot of Jesse’s and Celine’s feet as they walk through the train station; I have always wondered if there was a deeper meaning to this, and if I ever meet Linklater I will ask him.

The other is about 27:00 into the film. Jesse and Celine are flipping through some vinyls at an old record store. Celine picks a record and they decide to use the listening booth to check it out. This is my favorite scene in any movie that I have ever watched … it is just the two of them with the music playing, trying to stare at each other while not getting caught by the other, so they look away at the last moment. I believe that this is the most honest depiction of what people are really feeling/doing when they are with someone alone for the first time and they both feel like this could really go somewhere. Every time I watch it, I get goose bumps. The song playing is called “Come Here” by Kath Bloom, and it is a perfect choice for this scene.

Who let this dog out?

Air Bud (1997)

Rated: PG

Runtime: 98 minutes

Stars: Buddy the Dog, Kevin Zegers, Bill Cobbs

Director: Charles Martin Smith

Plot: Buddy is a dog who is a sidekick in a clown’s birthday party show. Buddy’s big trick involves bouncing a ball off his nose. After escaping from the evil clown, Buddy teams up with Josh (Kevin Zegers), a boy who has lost his father in an accident, and who also loves to play basketball. Mysterious school janitor Arthur Chaney (Bill Cobbs) is a former pro basketball player for the Knicks who takes over coaching responsibilities and brings the team together with the help of Buddy and teamwork.

Rating—out of 5 basketballs: 0

Tournament Seed: 16—team makes the tournament only because each conference has to have an automatic qualifier. Has no chance of winning a game. Avoid picking for any reason.

Not much happens in this movie. Unless you count all the times we see Josh feeding Buddy pudding. There is really only one scene with any music, and it is a bad montage where Josh is giving Buddy a bath with the song “Splish Splash” playing. I was expecting a lot more of Buddy playing basketball for the team (the appropriately named Timberwolves), but we are stuck with mostly trick shots at halftime until the championship game. A few players foul out and a few more get injured, and since the rule book doesn’t mention “no dogs allowed”, and since Buddy is a registered member of the team who practices and travels with the team, he is allowed to play. Note to self: buy a basketball team and stock it with robots, because if it doesn’t say anything against it in the rule book, then it should be ok. The only thing that had potential to be cool was the Arthur Chaney character, but he was ruined with unfunny scenes of dog chaos around him.

These are the types of basketball movies I wasn’t looking forward to watching/reviewing. But a poetic exchange between Josh and Arthur sums up my feelings about the purpose of this blog:

Arthur: “I don’t get it.”

Josh: “You don’t get what?”

Arthur: “Why you putting yourself through this.”

Josh: “I guess I just like basketball.”

Fang can score from any position

Kung Fu Dunk (2008)

Rated: Unrated

Runtime: 99 minutes

Stars: Jay Chou, Eric Tsang, Charlene Choi

Director: Chu Yen-Ping

Plot: Fang Shijie (Jay Chou) is the “Basketball Orphan”. As a baby, he was found alone in a field next to a basketball court, and then left in the hands of a kung fu master. After being expelled from his kung fu school, Fang is discovered by Zhen Li (Eric Tsang) while throwing and kicking cans long distance into a trash can. Li convinces Fang to attend First University, where Fang falls for Lily (Charlene Choi), the basketball team’s water-girl.

Rating—out of 5 basketballs: 2 basketballs: 1 for my recommendation of the movie and 1 for Jay Chou’s musical abilities (You're welcome, Callie.)

Tournament Seed: 10–12—movie is a sleeper, primed to upset a higher seed. Don’t be surprised if other people jump on the bandwagon when the brackets are released. It could play its way into the sweet 16.

Kung fu and basketball. What more could you ask for? The basketball action is great, so much better than Slam Dunk Ernest or Like Mike. Jay Chou does some sweet breakdancing/kung fu to score from all areas of the court. And I am sure Chou had his hands all over the music/score, because that is a major addition to the movie as well. There was an interesting scene where Fang is drunk and seeing the world through a bottle of alcohol, and I found it cool that the team's uniforms looked like cans of Red Bull. The smooth transition between basketball and kung fu make the movie enjoyable to watch, whether it be Fang’s master “altering the universe”, the rival Fireball team and their aggressive style of play, or the kung fu trickery used by First University in their attempt to win the championship game. But it all comes down to Fang and his superior shooting skills. He is like the Taiwanese version of Jimmy Chitwood. If you don’t get that reference, be patient. It will all make sense when I get to my 31^st movie review.

Overall, the movie is fun, and has a touch of sweetness to it. I feel that it is best represented in a scene where Fang reveals his true feelings to Lily:

Fang: “I liked ice cream so much when I was a kid. But I could never have it. So I would do anything to get a little bit of ice cream. You’re just like ice cream.”