I am the Goblin King!

Labyrinth (1986)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 101 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 27 million (approximately)

Characters: Sarah Williams, Jareth the Goblin King, Toby Williams, Hoggle, Ludo, Sir Didymus, The Wiseman, The Worm, The Door Knockers, Robert Williams, Irene Williams, Merlin the dog, Owl

Cool Stuff: David Bowie’s junk

Cool Music: Every sweet song out of David Bowie’s mouth

Cool Quote: “You have no power over me!”

Before I get talking about David Bowie’s crystal balls, I have to say, of the movies on my list that I hadn’t seen (there were four of them), this is the one I looked forward to the most. People have been trying to get me to watch this for years. I wish I had seen it sooner. I think 12-year-old Jeff would have loved this movie. Sarah Williams is the first leading lady hero of the movies I have watched and reviewed. She is great, and has to deal with a crying brother (Toby), an inattentive father and step-mother (Robert and Irene), a friend/back-stabber (Hoggle), another friend that is always complaining about the smell (Ludo), and a David Bowie (Jareth the Goblin King) ... who is perfectly cast. Nobody else could be Jareth.

My girlfriend Rebecca (and many others) had given me a heads up that Jareth’s man region was a thing of beauty ... and, well, it was/is the coolest stuff in the movie. There were three great songs by David Bowie (“As the World Falls Down”, “Magic Dance”, and “Underground”).... I don’t know which one is the best. Give me some time and I might have an answer. The coolest quote from the movie is one Sarah almost forgets, but then breaks Jareth’s spell by yelling: “You have no power over me!” ... though there is a lyric from one of the songs that everyone else seems to love but I can’t remember. I will stick it at the end of my review.

There are two cool/creepy scenes I really liked: the helping hands scene was like crowd surfing for goths, and the face-off on the stairs was basically a live action M.C. Escher painting. Oh, and the lyric that everyone loves is from the “Song That Never Ends” of its time: “You remind me of the babe. What babe? The babe with the power. What power? The power of voodoo. Who do? You do. Do what? Remind me of the babe.”

Next movie to review: Aliens