Jen is truly outrageous

The Dark Crystal (1982)

Rating: PG

Runtime: 93 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 98 million (approximately)

Characters: Jen, Kira, Aughra, Fizzgig, Chamberlain, General, Emperor, Master, Crystal Bats, Garthims, Landstriders, Podlings

Cool Stuff: the Dark Crystal

Cool Music: Jen plays the flute, but no cool music from this movie

Cool Quote: “Wings? I don’t have wings.” “Of course not. You’re a boy.”

This was probably the movie I went the most out of the way to put on the list. I had never seen it and I always wanted to. I didn’t know anything about it, which was good, so I could really be unbiased. I am glad I can finally cross it off my list. It was pretty dark for a family movie, and really weird. But I liked it; the battle between the Mystics and the Skeksis is like a fantasy version of the Bloods versus the Crips. Oh, and after watching this movie, I have decided that every argument should be resolved through trial by stone.

There were several characters, but only four had names ... which at times made things confusing. Jen was great. He plays the flute, finds the crystal shard, and dreamfasts with Kira, the girl next door. Kira is in touch with nature, has a cool pet named Fizzgig, and probably helps save the world more than Jen does. The Chamberlain was torn between bad and good, and made a weird mmm sound. The Garthims were creepy, and I felt really bad for the Landstriders. The Dark Crystal was purple and powerful, so I thought it was pretty cool. I bet Prince has spent a lot of time and money searching for this magical stone. Good luck, buddy. I hope you find it one day.

What was uncool was that there was not much music. I was expecting some fun songs and there were none. Jen should have been impressing Kira with his flute, but it never happened. One thing that kept happening were really long scenes of the Mystics just walking and not really explaining why ... until they show up at the great conjuring at the end.

Kira is a great female character, one of the better ones so far in the ’80s movies I’ve reviewed. She delivers the best quote of the movie, and it really made me laugh. She basically tells Jen that girls rule and boys drool.

Next movie to review: Return of the Jedi