We're all gonna get laid

Caddyshack (1980)

Rating: R

Runtime: 98 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 113 million (approximately)

Characters: Ty Webb, Al Czervik, Carl Spackler, Danny Noonan, Judge Smails, Bishop Pickering, Dr. Beeper, Tony D’Annunzio, Lacey Underall, Maggie O’Hooligan, Mitch Cumstein, The Gopher

Cool Stuff: Al Czervik’s golf bag

Cool Music: “I’m Alright”

Cool Quote: “Be the ball.”

People love playing the “what if” game. For me, I think Caddyshack is on the top of my “what if I had seen this movie as a teenager” list. I, like most every other 15-year-old boy, loved sports and the possibility of seeing a woman naked. This movie is 98 minutes of golf and sex. How I avoided seeing this movie until I was in my thirties is almost unexplainable. Would I have turned out differently? Would I have liked this movie more? We will never know.

This movie has enough characters to complete a couple of foursomes on the golf course. My favorite, of course, is Carl Spackler. I love me some Bill Murray! He is a Cinderella story, gopher assassin, and looper for the Dalai Lama all wrapped up into one hilarious groundskeeper. Ty Webb and Al Czervik are the typical jerk/get-the-girl kind of guys, and Lacy Underall and Maggie O’Hooligan are the hot/get-the-guy kind of girls. Oh, and there is a gopher that wrecks the golf course and dances to Kenny Loggins.

I think the coolest thing from the movie is Al Czervik’s golf bag. I was a semi-professional caddie in my younger days, and I totally would have wanted to carry a bag that had a stereo, t.v., and phone as well as beer on tap. There were also a couple of classic scenes from the movie: the Baby Ruth in the pool scene is a great prank to emulate, and the playing a round of golf in a thunderstorm scene (good idea on paper) is probably not something you would actually want to do for real.

One thing I found disturbing about the movie: Ty drugging Lacy’s drink (he didn’t have to, she was all over him)! I should discuss this topic (and others) with my buddy Tom. He is such a huge fan of the film; he even wrote out the script word by word to help him memorize it. Tom is the Mitch Cumstein of his time!

Next movie to review: Raiders of the Lost Ark

Sweet Home Chicago

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Rating: R

Runtime: 148 minutes

Box Office (in today’s dollars): 162 million (approximately)

Characters: Jake Blues, Elwood Blues, The Blues Brothers Band (The Colonel, Duck, Murph, Too Big, Bones, Blue Lou, Guitar, Mr. Fabulous), Reverend Cleophus James, Curtis, Ray, Mrs. Murphy, The Penguin, Mystery Woman

Cool Stuff: Black Suit/Tie/Hat/Sunglasses, Bluesmobile, Car Chases

Cool Music: “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love”

Cool Quote: “We’re on a mission from God.”

Before Da Bears and Da Bulls, there was Da Blues ... Brothers. This movie has so many characters/cameos, I don’t even have time to write about John Candy, Chaka Kahn, or Paul Reubens. What I do have time to say is that brothers Jake and Elwood do a hilarious job at getting the band back together, and along the way they have a crazy adventure and do lots of singing and dancing. Oh, and don’t let me forget, this movie also has lots of uses of the f-word and the s-word ... and car chases and car crashes.

I was only four when this movie came out and I don’t remember much from that time. I can only guess that, when Halloween rolled around, every guy from the ages of 16 to 25 probably went dressed in a black suit, drove a “Bluesmobile”, and said things like “It’s _____ miles to _____, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.” And they all probably thought it was easy to meet girls that looked like Twiggy and that you could convince them to hang out with you even if you charged them $94.00 at the gas pump.

When you have music legends like James Brown, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, and John Lee Hooker in your movie, you can pretty much expect an awesome soundtrack. You can’t go wrong with a little “Minnie the Moocher”, but of course “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” is the signature song. You would think that with all the music, swear words, and car chases, you would have everything you need; and then the movie sprinkles in Nazis ... and Carrie Fisher!

Once this movie gets rolling, it is tough to stop. It’s almost as if it is on a mission or something ...

Next movie to review: Caddyshack