What are you looking at dicknose?

Teen Wolf (1985)

Rated: PG

Runtime: 92

Stars: Michael J. Fox, Jerry Levine, Susan Ursitti

Director: Rod Daniel

Plot: Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox) is a normal high school boy on an awful high school basketball team called the Beavers. Stiles (Jerry Levine) is Scott’s best friend, and his main purpose in life is to buy a keg of beer and surf on top of a van. Boof (Susan Ursitti) is a girl Scott hangs out with who has had a crush on him since they were kids. Crazy things start happening to Scott; he notices a really long hair on his chest, he hears a dog whistle while working in his dad’s hardware store, his hands get hairy, his ears and teeth get pointy, and his fingernails grow really long. What could it be? If you said he is a werewolf, than you are correct!

Rating—out of 5 basketballs: 4 basketballs. 1 for my recommendation, 1 for the awesome music, 1 for Michael J. Fox being himself, and 1 because of all the important life lessons I learned.

Tournament seed: 2-4—movie is one of the top teams and should be a popular pick to make it to the final 4. As long as nothing unfortunate happens along the way, this team can go very deep into the tournament. Don’t be afraid to choose this as one of your favorites.

Yay! I have reached the halfway point of my basketball movie blog. 16 movies watched, 16 to go. And there is no better movie to celebrate with, than this ‘80s masterpiece. First, let’s start with the music/score. Somebody got a little synthesizer-happy if you know what I mean. “Surfin’ U.S.A.” is appropriately chosen for the van-surfing scenes. “You Gotta Go With the Flow, Joe” is a catchy tune played during “The Wolf’s” fancy dribbling/high jumping/slam dunking/I-just-turned-into-a-werewolf-during-a-basketball-game-and-everyone-thinks-it’s-okay montage. But no song is more awesome than the “Win in the End” montage played at the end of the movie that we will cover shortly. Other than the boy is a werewolf twist, the movie is your typical ‘80s teen comedy: boy likes pretty girl, pretty girl is dating jerky guy, boy doesn’t realize that he should be with cooler/prettier girl that has been there all along, boy has an awkward moment in the closet with aforementioned cooler/prettier girl, boy sucks at basketball but becomes awesome, team starts to get annoyed with boy scoring all the points even if they are winning, pretty girl starts to like boy, jerky guy gets jealous and punches boy who fights back and rips jerky guy’s shirt … which leads us to the championship game. Scott has decided to not be the wolf anymore, which pretty much ruins the Beavers’ chances at beating jerky guy’s team (the Dragons!). But Scott gives the team a little pep talk and convinces them that they don’t need the wolf to win; they just need to work together. This is where the “Win in the End” song works its magic, and the Beavers trail the Dragons by 1 point when Scott is fouled by jerky guy as the clock runs out. Scott makes both foul shots and the Beavers are state champs! Amidst the post-game celebration, Scott disses pretty girl and gets with Boof.

I learned a lot from this movie: Michael J. Fox plays “Michael J. Fox” in every movie he does, but that is ok because he’s Michael J. Fox; red eyes and a demon voice will get you a keg of beer; werewolves can help you find your stash; werewolves like pizza and beer; if you stick with Coach Finstock’s three rules of life than everything else is “cream cheese”; and most importantly:

Coach Finstock: “It doesn’t matter how you play the game, it’s whether you win or lose; and even that doesn’t make all that much difference.”